Archive for the ‘Wait What’ Category

Datsyuk no

These days the most commonly used euphemism for the NHL’s tie-solving shootout is “the skills competition,” given that the All-Star Game’s meaningless version is the only other time fans are exposed to the one-on-one, player-on-goalie multi-attempt action. The major difference with the NHL’s in-game version is that it’s the opposite of meaningless, which as a professional wordsmith I have come to learn is “meaningful.” Just last year the Columbus Blue Jackets missed playoffs by a single point and had four shootout losses on their resumé. Another goal or two in those contests would’ve really come in handy, as most teams wind up finding.

People laugh (myself included) at the change in player tone during post-game interviews depending on a team’s win or loss in the “skills comp,” but I kinda get it. When you lose you’re frustrated at putting yourself in a position where it comes down to something that seems out of your control at times, and guys are aware how much each point matters.

With the importance of the shootout in mind (like it or not), I took to the interwebz to see which players have been helping their teams grab full two, and which have been costing their teams points. And my word, was I surprised at the latter group.

The list below is ranked in order of performance versus expectations, not raw numbers. As in, Sidney Crosby being 0-for-3 would be looked at as worse than some plug being 0-for-5 or 1-for-8 or whatever, in this imaginary world where plugs get lots of attempts. (Crosby, for what it’s worth, is 1-for-2, and 23-for-55 lifetime – that’s 41.8% total – well above the league’s current shooter average of 32.79%)

A few notes on the shootout before we jump in

Read the rest of this entry »

tootoo whale

If he about to eat that raw? He is, isn’t he? He’s about to eat raw Baluga Whale.

Earlier today Jordin Tootoo of the Detroit Red Wings (for now) tweeted “Little snack with Dad out camping. #belugawhale” along with the above picture. Little snack?

I mean, I know this is a thing people do in some parts of the world, and it’s normal there, and I should respect that and say “Hey, neat!”

And I would! …But again: he’s about to eat raw Beluga Whale. So I can’t.

One final question. It’s August 1st today, what exactly is the temperature there right now? Ten below?

(For more Tootoo Nunavut pics, check this out.)

Russia v USA - 2013 IIHF Ice Hockey World Championship Quarterfinals

Ilya Kovalchuk of the New Jersey Devils announced his retirement from the NHL today. Seriously.

One of the most gifted players of the last decade, one of my personal favourites to watch, has decided to head back to Russia for good at age 30. Whether he plays in the KHL or not remains to be seen, but it seems pretty likely. He’s leaving $77 million on the table over the remainder of his contract after making $53,829,023 (according to @bcostellothn) over the course of his career in North America, but…

Yeah, he’s going to be okay financially. Money’s not a huge issue here.

Even for the Devils it’s not all that massive from a money standpoint. They got some of the best years of the guy’s career, and will only have to pay a cap hit of .25 mill per season until 2025 according to CapGeek. While $250k is a lot to you and me, it isn’t that damaging when it comes to dealing with the NHL salary cap.

But the money thing aside – and man, it’s okay to push it aside for the moment – this blows. As I said on Twitter, Kovalchuk was a player who used his size extremely well, was quick but never seemed rush, and had a huge shot. He was a classy dude too. He was a thrill to watch play. He’ll be missed in the NHL.

I’ll write more on his career in the coming weeks – why I wish he hadn’t been drafted by Atlanta and traded to New Jersey, how I think the Yaroslavl tragedy affected him a great deal, how I think this makes the most sense for him – but for now, I’m just bummed. He’s likely doing the right thing for him and his family, and I can dig that. But from a purely hockey perspective (I see you, Devils season ticket holders)…this isn’t a great day for the leauge.

Here’s what the Devils and Kovalchuk had to say:

Statement from New Jersey Devils President/CEO/General Manager Lou Lamoriello:

“After many conversations with Ilya over the past year on his desire to retire from the National Hockey League, Ilya’s decision became official today. On behalf of the entire organization, I wish Ilya and his family all the best in their future endeavors.”

Statement from Ilya Kovalchuk:

“This decision was something I have thought about for a long time going back to the lockout and spending the year in Russia. Though I decided to return this past season, Lou was aware of my desire to go back home and have my family there with me. The most difficult thing for me is to leave the New Jersey Devils, a great organization that I have a lot of respect for, and our fans that have been great to me.”

Kovalchuk played 11 seasons in the NHL, including the last four with New Jersey. He retires with career NHL totals of 417 goals and 399 assists for 816 points with 516 penalty minutes in 816 games.

He added 11 goals and 16 assists in 32 career playoff games. Kovalchuk scored 89 goals and 112 assists for 201 points in 222 games, while adding eight goals and 11 assists in 23 playoff games with the Devils. He was traded to New Jersey by Atlanta on February 4, 2010. He was Atlanta’s first choice, and the first overall selection in the 2001 NHL Entry Draft. Born April 15, 1983 in Tver, Russia, Kovalchuk represented Russia at three Olympic Winter Games, nine World Championships, one World Junior Championship and the 2004 World Cup.”



2013 NHL Stanley Cup Final - Game Six

So this is apparently a thing.

As the nation tuned into Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final, the porn site “PornHub” was closely monitoring its traffic. The game hurt their numbers, but boy-oh-boy, did they bounce back after the game ended. Actually, check that; they bounced back in Boston, where fans of the Bruins chose to go home and mourn alone rather than go out and celebrate.

Here’s the graph of their data from over the game hours:

Boston porn

From PornHub’s press release, which I swear I don’t usually receive (I came across it on NESN!): Read the rest of this entry »

I mean, the guy does works extremely hard, but come on, Healy. Datsyuk is Earth’s Most Talented Human as far as I’m concerned.

I understand not wasting time to bicker over a passing comment, but wow – that is some passing comment.

(S/t @HarrisonMooney)

I swear to god, it’s like I’m 12 years-old some days.

(Stick tap to ComplexMag, @extrabasehit)

I don’t have a ton to offer on this except this is a real thing? and that I also kind of secretly think it’s great. After all, Jaromir Jagr is great, and deserves a tribe of (apparently) all-male groupies.

Sick jerseys, boys. In Jagr We Trust.