Today at 11 am, Daniel Alfredsson will finally hold a press conference in Ottawa after shocking Senators fans by signing with the Detroit Red Wings a little over a month ago. It’s likely that it will be a fairly unsurprising affair: Alfredsson will thank Senators fans for all their support over the years, express how much he loves the city of Ottawa, and explain that it was a tough decision but he felt he had to do what was best for his career.
Except for Senators fans seeking closure, it will likely be bland and boring. In other words, it will be a press conference with a hockey player.
But what if it wasn’t bland and boring? What if it was a surprising and unexpected, full of flights of fancy and bizarre occurrences? What if Alfredsson’s press conference was actually entertaining? I imagined such a press conference in my head and here are the 20 things I want to see:
Okay, the title may not be a reference to Credence Clearwater Revival (try Bubba Sparxxx), but it should be. I messed up.
Peter Budaj (pronounced “Boo-dye”) is the back-up goalie for the Montreal Canadiens, and today we found out he’s going to be the Montreal Canadiens starter for the remainder of the first round, and likely beyond in Montreal survives.
Carey Price will not return in the series against Ottawa due to a lower body injury.
Also, his name fits in the title of a lot of CCR songs, as Backhand Shelf Podcast host John Noon has occasionally pointed out throughout the season. Like, almost a greatest hits compilation worth. …Soooo he did a compilation.
This is not Jagr-face so much as the exact opposite.
Most athletes have a Try Face. Your Try Face is what naturally comes across your face when you’re at your most intense, your most concentrated, your most focused. We all have one. Michael Jordan was famous for rocking the tongue-out Try Face, for example.
Jaromir Jagr’s Try Face is not so cool.
I noticed this a little throughout the season when watching Jagr play, but when sifting through some of my images it became more apparent and harder to ignore. He goes full Grumpy Cat when he’s trying hard.
There are some times in sports when we simply know an athlete is on another level. Right now in the NBA, LeBron James is on another playing field. In the NHL, Sidney Crosby is pulling away from the pack. There have been times when names like Serena Williams, Tiger Woods, and Annika Sörenstam have been simply unbeatable.
That’s the Los Angeles Kings Twitter feed right now.
I follow both @theactivestick (Laura) and the @LAKings, and much to my delight, they engaged during a question/answer period last night. (Screen shot by @Vrbatim)
The best. Try as they might, other sports’ franchises can’t hang.
For those who want to re-live that excellent Wayne’s World reference…here you go.
Okay, a couple things to note before listening to this song:
* It’s Danny Taylor, the Calgary Flames new goaltender, singing about the hilarious routine of getting sent down from the AHL to the ECHL, which I myself had the privilege of experiencing three times. HOWEVER - he did not write it. They aren’t his lyrics, he’s singing a song that was written by a guy he used to play with. So nobody from Wheeling should be mad at Taylor, and in reality, it’s more about having to go to a lower league than to a bad town.
* “Wheeling” is in West Virginia, and they have an ECHL team called the Nailers. Yes, the Wheeling Nailers. This is in the same league that once was home to the Macon Whoopee.
* This is from three or four years ago, and I just dug it up because Taylor’s name is in the conversation these days. I played with him for a few weeks in 2008-2009 in Reading’s training camp (when James Reimer was the other goalie, incidentally), and I can confirm that he is hilarious. My favourite lines in the song: “I can’t believe they found me in my hiding place” (when you’re worried about getting sent down, for some reason it feels like it won’t happen if you don’t run into the coaches), “Leave your sticks here” (sticks ain’t cheap, and minor league teams aren’t afraid to be stingy with them), and the coach’s “We both thought you were great!” (nobody ever tells you you played like dog meat, because they are massive liars). Oh, and I also like “I’d fight Bonvie,” but that might just be from someone who recognizes him as a minor league knuckle throwing assassin.
“Don’t lose any confidence in yourself!” Here’s “Death’s Better Than Wheeling.”