If you encounter one of these fans online, you must resist the temptation to respond like this.

I’ve been managing blogs and message boards for over a decade now and I’ve been interacting with NBA fans online for the past eight years, so I’ve learned that basketball fans on the Internet can typically be labeled with at least one of the following 11 categories. While I’m singling out the Internet with these labels, I’m well aware that they could also apply to people who call into sports talk radio shows. However, I don’t personally listen to those shows because if I wanted to hear random assholes blowing hot air, I’d attend a chili cook-off.

If you think you don’t fit into at least one of these categories, you’re either the only perfect basketball fan on the planet, or you’re lying to yourself. I will readily admit to being guilty of up to six of these offences, but I won’t tell you which ones until the end of this post.

1. The Homer – This is the most common type of obnoxious basketball fan and he’s fairly easy to spot. He consistently overrates his team and underrates every other team, every draft pick is a future All-Star, and every loss is usually the fault of the referees. This type of fan takes rooting for his team to a level where it becomes somewhat unhealthy and extremely annoying. Don’t bother trying to debate him on how good his team really is, he can’t be reasoned with.

2. The Pessimist – As miserable as this fan usually is, you wonder why he bothers to root for his team or how he’s managed to avoid taking his own life by this point. Every win is meaningless because it’s only a matter of time before the season goes into a death spiral. This type of fan may actually be attracted to bad teams because they help validate their natural state of mind. See: Warriors fans.

3. The Player-Hater — With the irrational way that this fan hates a particular player, you’d think that the player had committed some unforgivable transgression against the fan’s family. In fact, this fan simply hates the way a certain player plays, carries himself and presents himself to the media – so much so that the fan wants this player to fail as much as he wants anything else in life. Sometimes, the player can be on the fan’s favorite team and he’ll gladly take a loss if it means this player has failed in a particularly egregious fashion. The more successful a player is, the more a player- hater will reach to find ways to criticize the player. For example, ESPN’s Bill Simmons can’t stop pointing out that Kobe Bryant went 6-for-24 in Game Seven against his Celtics — conveniently overlooking the fact that Kobe also grabbed 15 rebounds to help the Lakers win the championship.

4. The Stan – This type of fan loves a particular player so much, he may actually prefer his player to put up big numbers even if it means his team loses. If his favorite player gets traded, he dumps that player’s former team like a bad habit and moves on to the new team — buying that player’s new jersey as soon as it goes on sale. The Stan is blind to his favorite player’s faults and will defend him against any haters through the end of his career and beyond. In my experience, the “Vince Carter Stan” is possibly the most irritating NBA fan of all.

5. The Tanker – Nothing brings this fan more pain than when his favorite team wins games. Every game his team wins decreases their chances of winning the next draft lottery and landing the next rookie stud. You’d think that you’d only find this type of fan on really bad teams, but you’d be sadly mistaken.

6. The Statistical Manipulator – The revolution of advanced statistical analysis in basketball means that we can break down players’ strengths and weaknesses more effectively and go beyond the clumsiness of per-game numbers. Many NBA teams use these advanced stats to bring scouting and gameplans to whole new level. The statistical manipulator fan will use any manner of statistic — no matter how obscure or dubious — to make a point about how good or how bad a particular player is. If the stat is obscure and complicated enough, you may not even understand what the hell it means, which only allows him to point out that you’re too dumb to appreciate how awful or how great this player really is. You may frequently find yourself wanting to find out where this fan lives so you can drag him away from his computer, dunk his head in a toilet and give him a swirly.

7. The Trade Machine Maniac – Ever played with ESPN’s NBA Trade Machine? It’s a fun little tool that allows you to try out various configurations of trades and see if they work under the NBA’s complicated salary cap rules. It’s so fun that it can become quite addictive to a certain type of fan who can’t stop posting ridiculous trade scenarios that somehow manage to bring a player like Chris Paul to the fan’s favorite team without giving up any of that team’s valuable assets. For example, I bet you a Knicks fan somewhere has proposed trading Eddy Curry and Wilson Chandler for Chris Paul because it works in the Trade Machine and the Hornets would be happy with Chandler’s “potential” and Curry’s $11 million expiring contract. If you run a message board, you should give these fans their own thread or section where they can make their insane proposals without bothering everyone else.

8. The Conspiracy Theorist — Ugh, these fans are the worst. They’re convinced that everything in the NBA is fixed and will repeatedly state that it has as much credibility as pro wrestling. According to this fan, all the refs are instructed by the league to give certain players and teams the advantage at all times, the draft lottery is rigged, and David Stern is a Machiavellian monster. Don’t bother trying to ask this fan why he bothers to follow the NBA if everything is fixed, you won’t get a response.

9. The Rabid Nationalist – If you wonder why a certain fan is so irrationally supportive of a non-American player who isn’t really all that good, there’s a possibility that the fan is of the same ethnic background as the player. This is understandable and fine in theory, but these fans can be quite vicious and lash out at you if you attempt to point out that the greatest player to ever come from their country isn’t even a top-50 player in the NBA. Dead giveaways that you’re dealing with an rabid nationalist: broken English, creative swearing and wildly inappropriate comments about your family and your sexuality.

10. The Casual Racist – Whether we want to admit it or not, we’re all a little bit racist in one way or another. The particular breed of racist I’m referring to here isn’t a “real racist” in the sense that he actually hates or wishes harm on another race. He’s just convinced that the race in question is inherently inferior at basketball or he has a rooting interest in that race achieving greater NBA success. The casually racist NBA fan typically comes in two types: the fan who complains that his team has too many white or “Euro” players, and the fan who bemoans the lack of great white American NBA players. A lot of these fans are still heartbroken over the spectacular failure of Adam Morrison’s NBA career.

11. The LeBron/Kobe/Jordan Obsessive — Do I really need to explain this one? For some reason, there is a group of NBA fans who seem to exist only to compare LeBron with Kobe, LeBron with Jordan and/or Kobe with Jordan. It doesn’t matter whether the blog post or message board topic is supposed to have anything to do with these players, this fan will always find a way to steer the topic to his particular obsession. If you actually write a blog post comparing these players, you’ll surely attract these nutbars like the scent of freshly cooked bacon at a fat camp. Don’t blame the media for covering these players so extensively — because of these fans, it’s just good business. Note: out of all these fan types, this is the one that would benefit most from psychiatric treatment.

So there you have it. Those are the main types of obnoxious and delusional NBA fans I’ve dealt with online. There are surely more types that I’ve missed, and I encourage you to point these out to me in the comments. The best one will be added to this post with credit given to the commenter. As for me? At various points, I’ve been a homer, a pessimist, a Stan, a tanker, a statistical manipulator and a trade machine maniac. (Cue the Judd Nelson fist pump and “Don’t You Forget About Me”.) I’m a complex guy, and more than a little mentally unstable. You knew that “fan” is short for “fanatic”, right?

Bonus obnoxious fan type! The Revisionist History Major (suggested by commenter ThatPatty) “The fan that loves to point out that his team could have had Player X in the 200# draft if they had only drafted smarter… or his team could have signed Player Y in the summer of 200#… and if only his team had been smarter, they would be contenders.” What cracks me up about this fan type is that they completely ignore the fact that if they had drafted the right player in one draft, they would have had a completely different (and lower) draft pick in the following draft.

Comments (52)

  1. that gif is nuts!

  2. I’m totally 1, 4 and 11. (heat rules every other team sucks/cavs can go to hell,go heat,lebron rules/lebrons better than anyone ever)

  3. Vince Carter Stan is so true. I think the amount of people posting on the Nets board on Insidehoops.com went down about 80% after Vince got traded to the Magic, but we probably only got those posters when he came from Toronto.

    Does the player-hater count if the player in genuinely terrible? I constantly blamed Jarvis Hayes for things last year, but that’s he because he did nothing right…

  4. What about the “Revisionist History Major”?

    The fan that loves to point out that his team could have had Player X in the 200# draft if they had only drafted smarter… or his team could have signed Player Y in the summer of 200#… and if only his team had been smarter, they would be contenders.

    This fan always seems to forget that (a) a player’s evolution often depends on who drafts him (see Bynum, Andrew), (b) a player performs better in a system that better suits them (see Nash, Steve) and (c) a player needs to land in the right situation to maximize his performance (see Frye, Channing).

  5. I’m none of the above.

    So, what’s your take on LeBron/Kobe/Jordan?

  6. you forgot the “I’m a better GM” fan.

    they have a little bit of 2, 6 and 7, but more specifically they believe themselves worthy of sitting in the big office chair of a team and is convinced any move their team’s current GM makes is a huge mistake. Every and any player drafted was a huge mistake, and this fan seems to always know who is a sure fire all-star. For example in Toronto The “I’m a better GM fan” is distraught that the Raptors could have had Danny Granger, Brandon Roy, and Al Jefferson and tries to convince everyone else on the message boards that he knew of their potential before anyone else. This fan truly believes that he could do a much better job than anyone else on the planet, and LOVES to play the 20/20 hindsight game. He also relishes in pointing out past “mistakes” a GM has made as points to why they should be fired.

  7. Tristo: I don’t think it counts if the player legitimately sucks.

    ThatPatty: That’s a good one. I actually thought about that type yesterday and forgot to include it when I wrote this last night. That’s definitely in the lead for the “Bonus Obnoxious Fan Type” right now.

  8. i qualify for 1-10…. but not 11… actually, i can register for 11 now. kobe is better than lbj cuz lbj is a dumb ass (this proves im 3. the hater and makes me qualified for 11…)
    im sure ive just started a long debate on this message board…

  9. A little bit 6, but otherwise none of them.

    I only really go 6 to point out the absurdity of other people’s arguments, like “Gilbert Arenas is a great defender!”

    No. No, he isn’t.

  10. I’m probably #1 at times and #2 at times. When the Raps are winning I find myself thinking they’re could be the best team in the league (if they gave more effort) but once they show any of their usual no heart, no hustle losing ways I just expect it to get worse.

    However, that sounds pretty accurate.

  11. I know it’s really kinda obvious, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying: The Bandwagon Fan.

    Someone who will talk endless amounts of crap about how their team is in first place and your team sucks, but when pressed into an actual debate, knows little more than the teams standing and best player. In some cases, these people often make oversimplified arguments like “The Lakers have Kobe so they’re the best,” followed by an obnoxious signoff like “end of discussion” or “period” as if the team with Kobe has won the championship every year. In the non-Internet world, these people are the worst to meet and especially to know because calling them out on it does nothing, as they will turn it around on you saying “maybe you should root for ‘Team X that I hate with all my guts’” or “relax dude, it’s just a game.” SCREW YOU! Try naming a second player on the team EVEN WHEN THEY’RE PLAYING YOU DOOFUS! Gah, now you’ve got me all riled up…

    In other news, I’ve been a Homer, a Stan for any player from the 07 Warriors, a Statistical Manipulator, and a Casual Racist (I’ll admit it, I love to hate on white players. Like you don’t find Scalabrine and Bonner ginger jokes hilarious). Also, I would definitely be a Revisionist History Major (Why did the Celtics take JR Giddens over Chalmers and CDR, and all we’ve needed the last three years are a reliable backup point guard and another backup wing).

    Great post, keep up the good work!

  12. Like that stupid Hollinger shit. Humans are a race. Better to use creed or ethnicity. And my boy Morrison has 2 rings, how many does Prince James have?

  13. What about the “Slightly Obscure Vintage Player Fan”? These are the kinds of guys that insist Bob McAdoo in his prime could smoke Jordan or Bill Walton at his peak could’ve manhandled Russell. I’m not sure why these guys latch onto not-quite-superstars of yesteryear, but you can definitely include me in this camp (hooray World B. Free!).

  14. I think you have to put another one on there. Rose vs Rondo.

  15. What about the sub-section to each of these categories called “blogger”. The “Homer Blogger”, the “Rabid Nationalist Blogger”, etc . . . we’ve all seen them. They exist. I guess I’m a “Stats Blogger” myself.

  16. What about putting a question mark after a question, Amar?

    Sheesh . . .

  17. I’ve been guilty in the past of all of these except for the nationalist and casual racist ones, but I’ve outgrown most of them. The ones I’d say apply to me the most right now are the trade machine maniac and the player-hater.

    Here’s a suggestion: the fantasy geek. Not that everyone who plays fantasy hoops is like this – I play every year in several leagues and enjoy it and I’m sure a lot of you do too – but there are certain people I know who seem like they only care about how good a player is in fantasy, more so than they enjoy watching real-life basketball for the sport.

  18. Great work, Scott, and I like what you’re writing as well, ThatPatty.

    another one is “The Playmaker Fan”.

    A fan like this only roots for a Point Guard, or a star player who has to do all the work by himself. (See LeBron James in his first years in the NBA.) Only players who have the ball a lot, are great players. Poor Tim Duncan is a bad player for these fans, no matter how much he does for his team. And of course, Steve Nash deserves at least three more MVPs.

    This fan can’t understand that there is good players besides Point Guars, and if you try to talk about a really good Power Forward, you won’t get an answer. Some of these fans can be hard to find, but every February you can recognize them, because they root for Nate and not Dwight Howard in the Dunk Contest.

  19. I don’t really fall into any of these categories. Although I might have a mild case of #6, but limited to (pts, rbs, ast, stl, to, bs) depending on the player’s position and adjusted +/-. Don’t really understand other stats, therefore never used it.

    I might fall under #12: Fantasy Basketball fans– Hoping all players in his fantasy team do well and cheer for them even if they play against his favorite (real NBA) team, but still hoping his favorite team to win the ball game.

  20. I’m a Player-Hater for sure (screw you vc!!). And Scott is an Arm Chair GM in every sense of the word!!

    What if you love a player just because he’s hot and has decent acting skills? Hello Ray Allen!

  21. “The casually racist NBA fan typically comes in two types: the fan who complains that his team has too many white or “Euro” players…

    You think you’re pretty smart, don’t you, Carefoot? What with your Diego mustache and your greasy hair!?

  22. TL;DR.

    Kobe>>>Lebron

    End of story. Period.

  23. I’m definitely 1 & 2. The Suns are simultaneously the best and worst franchise ever.

  24. @ThatPatty: Or (d) drafting one player would ultimately alter the development of another, and thus the course of that team’s history (see Anthony, Carmelo and Prince, Tayshaun).

  25. Agreed with cb2 on the ‘better GM’ fan. I think this fan is also the ‘better coach’ fan.

    The second guessing never stops. From contracts to development to free agency to the draft – the GM never gets it right. The coach doesn’t understand that he needs to “play this guy more” or to “run a different system” or to “play these guys together”. Constantly calling into question the play call on the last play of the game, the substitutions, the rotations. This type of fan is convinced that the coach doesn’t understand matchups and doesn’t exploit them. This type of fan is also convinced that the GM and the coach are conspiring against the benchwarmer that looked good in that one game where he got 4 minutes of garbage time.

  26. Calling these types “obnoxious and delusional NBA fans” is typical of the superior attitude of many blog owners/ managers/ writers. The fans have their personalities and flaws but so do these guys. For the most part I say “So what? Live and let live.”

  27. Haha these are great. I really can’t think of a good one except that I’ve noticed certain type of fan that frequents blogs, reads what it has to say and then takes the time to comment how much the author sucks and how they’ve wasted their time with the article and yet they keep coming back for more. Oh and to add to scuba’s list of obnoxious sign offs there’s the people that say “that is all” and “you heard it here first”, god that’s annoying. Yeah like they’re gonna get credit for their prediction on espn “as first reported by fluffybunny227…”, give me a break.

  28. I’d add in there bandwagon laker fans there. To be clear, I think there are a lot of lakers fans that are really knowledgeable about the game, especilly the ones that were following the lakers back when they were playin in the forum. However, on most of the blogs and message boards I only see the bandwagon laker fans that basically jump on the team whenever it’s good and feel like they have an inflated sense of entitlement. On ball don’t lie for example, on some posts about half of the comments are something to the effect of “forget the rest of the nba, nobody else matters, lakers championship in 2010!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”. In the minds of these fans, kobe bryant can do no wrong and is unquestionably the greatest player ever and the best player in the league, no other team matters because the lakers are always gonna win the title, etc. i know you mentioned the homer fans, but in my experiences some of the fairweather laker fans take it to a whole other level.

  29. Here’s another one that a lot of Blazers fans (of which I am one, for the record) are particularly prone to: the tendency to think that the national media is ganging up on them as a small-market team every time somebody on ESPN.com doesn’t put Rudy Fernandez on their “10 breakout players to watch” list or whatever. When Bill Simmons released his 700-page basketball book there was this typo where he was listing all the great teams of the early ’90s and the list went something like Jordan’s Bulls, Isaiah’s Pistons, Malone’s Jazz, Drexler’s Pistons…and the “Drexler’s Pistons” was obviously just a typo that happens when your book is as long as his, but fans flipped out over it and acted like Bill was trying to insult them personally by doing that, to the point where he had to apologize for it when he did his signing in the Portland area. It was a little ridiculous.

    I guess the term for this is “Small-market inferiority complex” or something like that.

  30. This was a pretty fun article.

    @Illmatic-1 Yeah, those people I think we can just generally call trolls though, especially if they do it on a consistent basis towards the authors.

    I can generally relate to being a ‘Pessimist’, ‘Player-Hater’, and ‘Conspiracy Theorist’ although not in any extreme sense which would make me obnoxious. It’s just that I lean more towards a realist’s point of view when debating about basketball.

  31. A few types of blog owners/ managers/ writers

    1. The Homer who thinks their Coach / GM / Owner are geniuses who do everything or almost everything right.

    2. The Ultimate Fan Boy- isn’t the NBA so cool (including the jerseys, the twitter remarks, the shoes, etc.)

    3. The Professor. Who tries to pull rank or belittle anyone who ever questions that what they say isn’t the gospel

    4. The Preacher. Who thinks of his readers as a flock to be instructed rather than as equals.

    5. The Pro or near Pro or Semi-Pro. Who basically refuses to actually converse with the rabble much anymore. Their article is enough. Their real friends or folks they want to talk with are “in the business”.

    6.The Goofball who mainly just wants to tell silly or caustic jokes about anything NBA or not.

    7. The StyleNazi. Who gets extremely exercised if your word choice, grammar, post length or frequency falls out outside their comfortable zone to the point of launching personal attacks or threatening suspension or expulsion.

  32. I think the ultimate Stan is the Allen Iverson Stan.

  33. The Class Act – His or her team can’t win, so everything comes down to “classiness”. This or that player is not classy, this fan is not classy, this guys should have handled this situation in this manner. In addition to overusing the word “classy”, the Class Act does not hesitate to describe others as “douchebags”. Never mind that part of having class is not always pointing out when others don’t have it.

  34. You should have given examples of each category with ESPN, TNT, ABC staffers.

    I noticed there wasnt one for the NBA fan that is not into conspiracies, but thinks the NBA officiating is the worst in professional sports. I guess thats because you dont have to be a fan to notice that. You just need some general knowledge of the game and its painfully obvious.

    John Wall getting the superstar calls in Summer League. SUMMER LEAGUE!

  35. How about the “troll magnet”? Anyone who has cruised the Lakers message boards on Yahoo knows
    kobedunks and his 372 aliases. He is the kind of “fan” who trolls other teams boards and draws them
    back to the Lakers boards like flies. Then he has another chance to berate them. (think “dergani”)

  36. 1. The Homer – Undefeated

    2. The Pessimist – Mustard Tiger

    3. The Player-Hater — Little Ozzy

    4. The Stan – AndreaFan, Appel

    5. The Tanker – 1/2 the board

    6. The Statistical Manipulator – Appel

    7. The Trade Machine Maniac – rapsobsessed

    8. The Conspiracy Theorist — ????

    9. The Rabid Nationalist – Appel

    10. The Casual Racist –1/2 the board

    11. The LeBron/Kobe/Jordan Obsessive —JoardansBulls

  37. There is an offshoot of the Revisionist History Major. He is the one who tells you that if a particular member of his favorite team wasn’t INJURED, they would have won the championship! Or made the playoffs. Or beaten your team very badly!!

    I think this is a disticty different fan tha\n the typical revisionist.

    They mostly reside in the Northeast.

  38. How about the “if Player X had Player Y’s team then they would do this” fan?

  39. you do realize that by labelling “Eleven types of OBNOXIOUS basketball fans” and then claiming “If you think you don’t fit into at least one of these categories, you’re either the only perfect basketball fan on the planet, or you’re lying to yourself” that you have now called all basketball fans obnoxious.

    anyways put me down for #1 and #8. (and maybe a bit of #9 because Steve Nash deserved that 3rd straight MVP)

  40. Alright, 1,3,4, and 11. I definitely am a homer, except I don’t blame losses on referees, and I am a hater but of anyone on the Celtics (and I’m not a Laker fan) they just piss me off, I even used to like KG and Ray Allen, I admit that I am a Vince Carter Stan, but I don’t want him to put up big numbers if it means the Magic lose, oh and I can get a little involved on Kobe-Lebron debates, neither of them is or ever will be Jordan but I discuss who’s better with my friends, not over the internet hating on the other player.

    This is hypocrisy but how about the Lakers/Celtics/ haters/fans who always seem to fit the category of 1 and 3 and the other team is crap and blah blah blah even when nobody in the right mind cares what they say.

  41. I particularly like when th eyeball starts swinging around, And regarding those fan types, it’s what makes reading blogs interesting in the first place.

  42. The “got the hot’s for x:”
    How about those (hopefully) female fans that seem to only like a team/player because of sexual attraction. I mean aren’t there about a million other entertainment resources for them to find men to talk about other than sports (nba)? I mean does [she] really think that [she's] going to get a response from a suspected board full of dudes on there or something?

    “Yeah, Dwight Howard can really throw it down… but did you see his eight pack during pre-game, AMAZING!”…. SHUT UP AND GO AWAY. IF I WANTED TO TALK TO MY WIFE I WOULD’NT BE ON THE COMPUTER.

    Not calling you out at all Kat ;)

    Now you can also add the sexist blogger to the list.

  43. Haven’t seen a lot of fans on the internet who “crush” on NBA players. Probably because most of us simply don’t frequent those types of boards; though I’m sure they exist. I’d label them as not-obnoxious because they almost certainly don’t invade boards where “serious” basketball debates take place :P

    Having said that, I think Kat is really only here to annoy Carefoot because she’s his mate. Ray Allen might be one of the greatest 3 point shooters of all time, but I heard that Carefoot can ejaculate through solid steel so I guess that settles everything.

  44. Oh Dex, I got one, you know I know some, work with some and wish I could avoid all of these obnoxious types but the type I present to you is the Unrealistic Fan

    which are those who take two things that are totally different and somehow try to compare them whether it be players, stats, history, time, era, whatever, they will take those items and compare them no matter how different those players are, no matter what era they played in, no matter how different things may be then and now it will always be the same to this fan.

  45. Personally I’m probably a 6 and an 11. Just to bring it up I am a Lakers fan myself, and even I hate like a plague the bandwagon fans that tarnish our reputation. I got sports love for KB24, but I know he isn’t better than either MJ (Jordan and Magic), and that he f’d up in Colorado big time either way. I was unfortunate enough to bear witness to the Kwame Brown years in L.A. and I think that alone for any franchise would be painful enough, but for the Los Angeles Lakers who are arguably the greatest franchise in basketball history it was just plain life-shortening. It makes me appreciate the original 3-peat Lakers, and the most recent incarnation of a multiple championship Laker roster. Hell I even enjoyed the Van Exel and Jones teams in the mid-late 90s especially when we made it all the way to the WCF in 98.

  46. Best fans has Milwaukee Bucks!

  47. How about the Good Ole Day Syndrome Fan: he thinks that if fouls were good enough for Wilt and Kareem, then they should be called against Kobe and Wade. If Cousy and West were called for travelling, so should LeBron and Parker. If Pistol Pete got called for palming the ball, why can’t Jason Kidd? And, most importantly, until Shaq hits a free throw, he can’t hold Kareem’s jock.

  48. The worst stan fans are the Tracy McGrady, Allen Iverson, and Penny Hardaway stan fans. Seriously right now if you go onto Laker forum on the internet the T[-Mac stans all have a 10 page thread hoping he ends up with the Lakers just so he can have a shot at a ring even in a limited roll with the team. These T-Mac stans follow his twitter account on a daily basis also.

  49. I think you basically described every dedicated fan on every NBA internet message board out there who want to waste his time discussing his team or promoting his/her particular worldview.

    There are also fans who are weird combinations of these types. I will gladly admit I am one myself.

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