Relax, Eddie House

The Miami Heat have a pretty stacked team. There’s the big three, obviously. But they also have a bunch of hilarious former All-Stars (Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Juwan Howard, Jamaal Magloire), a guy who’s won Rookie of the Year and Sixth Man of the Year (monkey lovin’ Mike Miller) and Udonis Haslem who is a very well-respected defender about town. That’s a lot of talent, considering how much salary cap space is tied up in the LeBron/Dwyane/Bosh Spice trio.

They also have Eddie House, noted for both his three-point shooting ability and his knack for annoying opponents to the point that he gets slapped in the head. And while House doesn’t figure to see a ton of minutes this season, he’s still going to talk whenever he gets the chance. Like, for instance, in the preseason to the Palm Beach Post.

Eddie House has heard it, and he’s had it. So when asked Friday what the Heat must do to shut up its swelling, shrill chorus of critics, the veteran guard let them have it.

“I think, you know what, honestly, I don’t give a (expletive) about nobody else on the outside,” House said. “It doesn’t matter about anybody out there. I don’t care what their expectations are. We have our expectations and our goals. We are going to achieve them. That’s the bottom line.” [...]

“So, at the end of the day, middle fingers to all the haters,” House said.

I would have never pegged Eddie House as a big Kid Rock fan, but apparently he’s studied “Devil Without a Cause” quite a bit. Oh, he also needs to chill out.

Not only will he probably get fined for his little cuss-fest, but he’s also Eddie House. A lot of people don’t like Eddie House, but his joining the Heat is not the reason for “all the haters.” It’s not like everyone was pro-Heat until Eddie House came onboard. Well, except for Rafer Alston, but that’s understandable.

In conclusion, Eddie House is that kid who talks a lot of smack because he’s got three huge friends behind him who are more than wiling to bust some skulls. He is Draco Malfoy and the big three are the Death Eaters. (And just to take this analogy to its illogical conclusion, Dexter Pittman and Joel Anthony are Crabbe and Goyle.)

Eddie House is also, I assume, going to give me the finger after reading this.