Aleksandar “Sasha” Vujacic and Maria Yuryevna Sharapova would like to announce their engagement. Maria, daughter of Yuri and Yelena of Nyagan in Siberia, Russia, is a professional tennis player who grunts very loudly and was once named one of People Magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful People. Sasha, son of Vaso and his mother whose name is unavailable on the Internet of Maribor in Slovenia, is a reserve guard for the Los Angeles Lakers who is known for his thin headbands, designer jeans and hilarious nickname (“The Machine”).
The couple enjoy winning championships in their respective sports, having cool accents and training with each other while wearing fancy athletic gear. The engagement “was probably old-school,” according to the groom because he “had to do it like a gentleman,” whatever that means. When reached for comment, every male on Earth said, “Well played, Sasha Vujacic.”
No wedding date has been set.