This season marks the beginning of a new era for the Miami Heat, and we’re not just talking about hats. Lesser players have been replaced as superstars have joined the team. Old goals like winning a playoff series have been pushed to the side as the team has set its sights on taking home a title. Heck, even Erik Spoelstra is considering changing the spelling of his name to the more common “Eric.” Now is the time for the Heat to really embrace this fresh start they’ve been given. Out with the old, in with the new. The grass is always greener on the other side. Other clichés like these two.
And that’s why Dwyane Wade wants to change his nickname.
According to Ira Winderman at the South Florida Sun Sentinel, Wade “will no longer go by Flash.” Fine by me, since I thought everyone called him “D-Wade” anyway. But, like Glen Davis before him, Dwyane is hoping to rid himself of a nickname he was given early in his career. And while Davis will always be “Big Baby” because of how much he looks like a huge infant, Wade could use a better moniker because Flash is kind of boring for such an exciting player.
Here are some excellent suggestions:
- “Wayne Dwade” — Kind of feel like this will be a below-average Florida rapper’s name within three years.
- Dwyane “Paid” Wade — Admittedly, this sounds like a boxer’s nickname, but you cannot deny that Wade just signed a $100 million contract this summer because that is very true.
- “Tetraodontidwyane” — A portmanteau of Wade’s first name and the scientific name for the puffer fish. Not only does it roll off the tongue, it also makes reference to Wade’s cheeks and the fact that he is deadly, as the puffer fish is generally considered the second-most poisonous vertebrate in the world. Science.
- “The Looks” — This would have to be part of a series of Heat nicknames with “The Brain” and “The Brawn” being Pat Riley and LeBron James. In this situation, Chris Bosh would be “The Head,” which is like when huge guys get the nickname “Tiny.”
- “DW” — Simple and easy to remember, but ultimately very confusing because most people know DW as a character from a kid’s show who is five years old and also a mammal of some sort.
- “Frank” — Seems like a good, strong name even if it doesn’t really relate to anything.
Obviously, these are all very good choices for Dwyane Wade’s new nickname.
However, you might be able to do better, so let’s hear ‘em in the comments.