Tonight is the beginning of a brand new NBA basketball season, and we’re all super stoked. It’s like New Years for these teams, with each and every franchise hoping for the best. Heck, even the Cavaliers and Timberwolves are expecting to win 30 games. Hope springs eternal in late October.
What follows are quick and easy reasons that fans of all the teams in this glorious league can be glad to see their team start a new campaign.
Atlanta Hawks — All five starters, plus the sixth man return. Sure, that includes Mike Bibby, but consistency counts for something.
Boston Celtics — Not a lot of basketball teams have players who wear No. 86, so that’s an accomplishment in and of itself.
Charlotte Bobcats — Now that Michael Jordan is the team’s owner, he probably won’t wear mom jeans to games quite as often.
Chicago Bulls — Big Mac Brian Scalabrine.
Cleveland Cavaliers — Umm … new jerseys?
Detroit Pistons — Well, at least they don’t have to deal with not living up to expectations when they don’t win a title.
Indiana Pacers — Josh McRoberts didn’t grow his hair out this year.
Miami Heat — Mostly just Don Johnson.
Milwaukee Bucks — Odds are Andrew Bogut won’t fall and break his arm while simultaneously causing a nation’s worth of basketball die-hards to vomit up their dinners two years in a row.
New Jersey Nets — Johan Petro’s curiously tall head.
New York Knicks — Probably won’t be seeing Amar’e Stoudemire naked again for a while.
Orlando Magic — After a brief scare, the mock turtlenecks are back in action. Crisis averted.
Philadelphia 76ers — Jrue Holiday is no longer a teenager, which means way less Jonas Brother appearances.
Toronto Raptors — Got rid of Chris Bosh just before he started making bad viral videos.
Washington Wizards — Starting three small guards might sound weird, but it’s worked pretty well for the Queen of England.
Dallas Mavericks — Science might allow the team to combine the powers of Tyson Chandler and Brendan Haywood in to one supercenter who dominates games exactly as much as you’d think that hybrid would. Yeah, not very much, but the thought of gene splicing is pretty neat.
Denver Nuggets — Eventually, Chris Andersen’s entire body will be covered in tattoos, which is likely some kind of NBA record.
Golden State Warriors — Brandan Wright hasn’t broken a finger yet.
Houston Rockets — Sure, Yao is only playing 24 minutes a night. But that also means that Brad Miller is playing 24 minutes a night. Drink it in, Houstonians.
Los Angeles Clippers — Blake Griffin made it to the regular season.
Los Angeles Lakers — This team is the Los Angeles Lakers.
Memphis Grizzlies — If you switch the first sounds of this team’s name, you realize that “Gremphis Mizzlies” would be a really good quidditch team.
Minnesota Timberwolves — No more crazy offseason moves, plus Darko Milicic’s passing.
New Orleans Hornets — Aaron Gray is slightly less fat, supposedly.
Oklahoma City Thunder — Who knows? This team is a major downer that no one cares about and provides
no reason for hope or excitement. Sorry.
Phoenix Suns — Robin Lopez and Josh Childress will probably see their hair get tangled together at some point. Very velcro-ish.
Portland Trail Blazers — Greg Oden is still injury-free this season. Technically, that’s true.
Sacramento Kings — Spencer Hawes is gone, and if there’s anyone DeMarcus Cousins would have wanted to punch in the mouth, it would have been him.
San Antonio Spurs — If anyone has any questions about whether or not something is a sandwich, this team has the expert.
Utah Jazz — Rumor has it that Deron Williams is considering growing temple hair this year.
See? There’s a reason for fans of each and every team in the NBA to be excited for the beginning of a new basketball season. I’m sure you have your own, so leave them in the comments.