NEW YORK, November 2 — Hide yo kids, hide yo wife; it’s Asbestos Night at Madison Square Garden!

To celebrate a decade of futility, the New York Knicks will honor fans by giving away free amphibole asbestos on Tuesday night. Considered one of the dangerous collectibles out there, Asbestos Night is one of the most popular Knicks giveaways of the year.

Sadistic Knicks fans can’t get enough of it!

Somewhat surprisingly, tickets are still available for the Knicks match-up against the Orlando Magic on Tuesday, November 2nd at 7:00 p.m. Every fan with a ticket to the game will receive a free handful of asbestos (one scarring of the lung per person, not per ticket).

As a special bonus, this season’s asbestos-related material comes directly from Madison Square Garden’s attic above the ceiling.

“As the satisfaction of our customers and employees are our top priority, we will not reopen the Garden until we are absolutely assured that we’ve given away all of our harmful asbestos,” the team said in a statement.

Asbestos festivities will flavor the game night atmosphere with the sights and whooping cough sounds of the health risk culture. MSG’s main concourse will be a festival of kid activities including a pre-game insulation ball pit, special latex paint activity stations and appearances by Owens Corning’s Pink Panther.

MSG doors will open at 5:30 pm. and fans are encouraged to arrive early … to die.

Comments (1)

  1. Come on, what’s the big deal MSG? When is the last time a little asbestos hurt anyone? I grew up in eastern Europe, surrounded by Asbestos and I turned out fine. Cholesterol is the chemical that is really killing people.

    BTW, I heard that Karl Malone has been working out all summer long and is attempting a comeback. I’ve seen pics on a blog and he’s looking good. Any truth to this?

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