TBJ Top 5, featuring Bango stunts

You know, if we’re lucky, Bango the Buck will do some kind of crazy stunt that ends up with him dunking a basketball/risking his life. That’s why you’ve got to pay attention to these games, even during the times when the local announcers are plugging whatever grocery store ponied up the money for the Cool Ranch Doritos Cool Play of the Quarter. Keep those eyes peeled, friends.

Portland Trail Blazers at Milwaukee Bucks
As Melas mentioned earlier today, the Blazers tend to play well on the second game of back-to-backs. Maybe that’s because they never ever run, or maybe it’s because they have adamantium endoskeletons which give them extraordinary healing powers. You be the judge.

Philadelphia 76ers at Washington Wizards
Big-time rookie matchup tonight — No. 1 overall John Wall vs. No. 2 overall Evan Turner. It’s easy to tell the difference in their games by looking at their names. One sounds like the main character in a Matt Christopher novel, and the other was the name of a character played by Michael Cera. Advantage: John Wall.

Minnesota Timberwolves at Miami Heat
We’ve all been waiting with baited breath for Michael Beasley’s return to South Beach. And when I say “bated breath” (thanks SLJ) I really mean “normal breath,” because that’s a weird saying.

Boston Celtics at Detroit Pistons
The Pistons might be a bad basketball team (they are) and they might be very outmatched tonight (they are) but two of their three games have come down to the final few possessions and the other featured a blown 20-point lead. At the very least, they know drama. That should be a slogan.

Atlanta Hawks at Cleveland Cavaliers
I know it’s probably not a good idea for the Cavaliers to change their name immediately after losing their franchise’s most famous player in its history, but ever since Wally Szczerbiak left the team I’ve had a hard time believing anybody on this roster could ride a horse. Deceptive advertising is illegal.

(vid via NBA Offseason)