TBJ Top 5, featuring elbow eyes

So many games happening tonight, you guys. Twelve, unless asbestos starts falling from the ceiling, but that rarely happens. Here’s what you should watch.

San Antonio Spurs at Phoenix Suns
No matter what changes in the NBA, you can still count on these two teams for an entertaining game, even this early in the season. You can also count on Eddy Curry being too fat to play, Tracy McGrady getting hurt and Vince Carter letting everyone down, if you’re keeping track.

Dallas Mavericks at Denver Nuggets
If Chauncey Billups and Jason Kidd were a wrestling tag team, their combined age would be 71. They would also lose a majority of their matches because I doubt either of them are experienced wrestlers or comfortable with high-flying aerial maneuvers off the top rope.

New Orleans Hornets at Houston Rockets
This is Trevor Ariza’s revenge game. I’m not sure if him shooting more often to get back at the team who traded him is better for the Houston or New Orleans.

Oklahoma City Thunder at Blake Griffin
Suggesting that you watch the Thunder isn’t a very hard sell. They’re a good team that always plays hard and usually have a few really fun things happen throughout the course of the game. The Clippers, on the other hand, are so bad right now that even Clipper Darrell is regretting his season tickets. Ergo, watch the Thunder and Blake Griffin. If Eric Gordon does something cool, even better.

Philadelphia 76ers at Indiana Pacers
Just kidding. If you insist on watching any of the underwhelming Eastern Conference games tonight, make it Milwaukee in Boston. Fans of creative defensive tactics should go crazy for that matchup.