Philadelphia 76ers 106, New York Knicks 96
Elton Brand went for 20 points on 11 shots. He added seven rebounds, two assists, a steal and two blocks. He also, I’m guessing, very happy to learn that time travel has been perfected by science because he seems to be enjoying 2003 all over again.

Phoenix Suns 118, Atlanta Hawks 114
Steve Nash had 19 and 15. Joe Johnson scored 34 points, while Al Horford turned in a 30 and 10 line. Jason Richardson had 21 and seven other players had double-digit scoring nights. Both teams shot over 50 percent from the field. It’s not that there was no defense played, it’s just that there wasn’t much defense played. Big difference.

Detroit Pistons 102, Golden State Warriors 97
The Warriors are 1-2 in games where they score less than 100 points, and they’re 0-2 in games where they score less points than their opponents. Both of those things happened against the Pistons, so they lost. Statistics, y’all.

Houston Rockets 120, Minnesota Timberwolves 94
The only person who could have possibly predicted that the Rockets would be the last team in the NBA to get a win is Biff Tannen and even he couldn’t really do it because the “Gray’s Sports Almanac” only goes up to the year 2000 and is not real.

Boston Celtics 92, Oklahoma City Thunder 83
The Celtics’ bench players last night were Glen Davis, Marquis Daniels, Semih Erden, Nate Robinson and Von Wafer. That’s the whole joke.

Los Angeles Lakers 121, Portland Trail Blazers 96
12 different players outscored Brandon Roy in this game. One of them was Dante Cunningham. If you were surprised that the Blazers lost by this much, now you’re probably not.

Comments (2)

  1. Put some Captain Planet on this beeyotch for your next reference.

  2. Elton Brand, just standin’ there…. like fuckin’ jesus…

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