Back during Gun-gate, a story leaked about Gilbert Arenas that was possibly the funniest locker room anecdote of all time — when Andray Blatche was a rookie, Gil pooped in one of his shoes. Now, thanks to Sports Illustrated and the intrepid work of Dan Steinberg, we have Gil’s first public comments about Feces Foot-gate.

I understand what people think because of the perception of me. They read the funny stuff, like me taking a crap in [teammate] Andray Blatche’s shoes. But nobody is going to ask what Andray did to deserve it.

Not true, Gilbert Arenas. Now that he’s mentioned it, everyone will be asking what Andray did to deserve it.

In fact, here are a few likely scenarios:

  • Blatche kept referring to the jacket Gil was wearing as a Member’s Only due to its epaulets. Gil thought it was just a blue jacket and after hearing “I like your Member’s Only jacket” one too many times, he did the deed.
  • Street magician in the Wizards locker room convinced Arenas that he’d be able to find any excrement in the locker room, no matter where Gil hid it.
  • Payback for Chipotle aftermath.
  • Gil really had to go but Michael Ruffin and Brendan Haywood were in the stalls and they take forever.
  • Awvee Storey told Arenas he’d punch him in the face if he didn’t.
  • Really big “Billy Madison” fan and wanted to take things to the next level.
  • Andray told Gilbert that he didn’t like stuffing during Thanksgiving, which Gilbert took as a slight because he’d named his gila monster “Stove Top.”
  • Gilbert was losing a game of Bourré pretty badly and started saying how he wasn’t going to pay up. Blatche responded by saying that if that Arenas didn’t pay, he’d go to the bathroom in his shoes. The next day at practice, Arenas did his thing, placed the shoes on a chair near Blatche’s locker with a sign that said “Smell One.”

As you can see, there are a lot of explanations for how this might have happened. Feel free to brainstorm down below. We need to get to the bottom of this.