If you know one thing about Matt Bonner, it’s probably that he’s the red-haired guy on the Spurs. If there’s a second thing, it’s likely his reputation as one of the best 6-foot-10 or taller three point shooters in the NBA’s history. And if you know a third thing, it’s surely that Matt Bonner loves sandwiches more than anyone since Joey Tribbiani.
Though he has a web series devoted to finding the perfect sandwich, you might be thinking that his sandwich fetish is just a ruse created to excite the Internet. Think again, Doubting Thomas. This man loves his sandwiches, and I’ve got the proof. From the San Antonio Express-News:
“Which pair of shoes should I wear?” Bonner [asked], holding aloft a pair of Converse and a pair of New Balance.
Someone proposed he don one of each, a suggestion Bonner considered a few seconds before an eavesdropping teammate shattered the dream.
A mismatched shoe selection would violate the NBA’s uniform dress code, Manu Ginobili interjected, and could cost Bonner $25,000 in fines.
“Just think of how many sandwiches that is,” Ginobili said, referring to Bonner’s famously favorite form of sustenance.
And so, for the next 10 minutes, the Spurs’ starting guard and backup center set out to quantify exactly that.
Estimating (conservatively, he says) 700 sandwiches per year at $5 a pop, Bonner concludes it would cost seven years’ worth of hoagies to flout the NBA’s uniform rules for one night.
“The punishment doesn’t fit the crime,” he sighed, as the rest of the room disintegrated into laughter.
You see, kids — this is why you need to work hard in college. You never know when you’re going to need to calculate an off-the-cuff cost-benefit analysis comparing shoes to sandwiches.
No one wants to give away seven years of their favorite food just for the cheap thrill of wearing mismatched shoes. That’s just not economically prudent in today’s financial climate.