Dennis Velasco brings the fantasy knowledge. No, not unicorns and gravity — basketball stuff, duh.

Playing the waiver wire is much like being the wingman for your friend. Sometimes, you just have to get with the less-than-attractive women — the mutants, blabbermouths, or grenades (I’m a Jersey Shore apologist) — for the good of the team. This isn’t more obvious than this week’s suggestions below — good players on bad teams — but at least you don’t have to buy any drinks or deal with crazy people.

Let’s get our Jeremy Grey on!

Categorically Speaking – Waiver Wire Pick-Ups by Category

Points — Sonny Weems, SG/SF, Toronto Raptors; 24% owned in Yahoo! leagues

Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!

Weems was inserted into the starting line-up last week and in four games, he averaged 17.5 points, getting better each game, scoring 14, 15, 16, and 25 points (a career-high) respectively. Weems shot 58.3 percent from the field, averaging 12 shots per game and has proven his worth when given the burn. Speaking of burn, could Linas Kleiza, whose place Weems took, be the second consecutive foreign player signed during the offseason that the Raptors get burned on? To a smaller degree, perhaps, but at least the Raptors have Weems ready to step up.

Others to consider: Landry Fields (37%), Daniel Gibson (56%), Wesley Matthews (37%), Nick Young (2%)

Three-Pointers Made — Travis Outlaw, SF/PF, New Jersey Nets; 39% owned in Yahoo! leagues

No! No! We did not have a moment at the dinner table, Todd!

There was a lot of groaning when the Nets signed Outlaw during the offseason, especially since the team lost out on The Three Stooges to Miami, STAT to New York, the drunk to Chicago, and even the Elton John to Memphis. However, Outlaw has started to get comfortable with the Nets system lately (13.2 FGA the past five games; 6.7 FGA the first six games) and has produced. In the last five games he’s averaged 15.2 points and 2.4 3PTM. He may not be LeBron James or Rudy Gay, but he’s getting the job done.

Others to consider: Marco Belinelli (19%), Matt Bonner (3%), Wesley Matthews (30%), Mickael Pietrus (6%)

Rebounds — Kris Humphries, PF, New Jersey Nets; 14% owned in Yahoo! leagues

Gloria, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching recently, and I think I’m ready to take this relationship, our relationship, to the next level.

Do you want to watch me with another girl? How about those Brazilian twins we met at the ball game?

Humphries has been a revelation for the Nets. Yes, I am suggesting another Nets player, but I swear it has nothing to do with the fact that I write for Nets Are Scorching (Plug!). In any case, many were waiting for Troy Murphy to provide a perfect complement to Brook Lopez at the four, but that hasn’t happened. The organization is taking it slow with rookie Derrick Favors, so who would vault to the role of doing damage at power forward? Well, it wouldn’t have been Joe Smith, so up comes Humphries who’s been averaging 13.0 RPG in about 33 minutes of play since being inserted into the starting line-up. Considering the fact that he’s in a contract year, if Humphries keeps getting the minutes — and why wouldn’t he? Avery Johnson is high on him — he’ll grab a lot of boards.

Others to consider: Landry Fields (37%), Drew Gooden (60%), Udonis Haslem (43%), Nazr Mohammed (15%)

Assists — Luke Ridnour, PG, Minnesota Timberwolves; 30% owned in Yahoo! leagues

I’m not perfect, but who are we kidding, neither are you.

Ridnour recently rejoined the T-Wolves after resting a strained hamstring the past five games. He came off the bench in his return, but played more minutes than starter Sebastian Telfair and dished out eight assists in 25 minutes. Ridnour should take his place with the starters soon enough. He has a career 4.8 APG average and has proven that he could drop dimes if given the time. Considering his competition is Telfair, it shouldn’t be hard. Nonetheless, Jonny Flynn will throw a wrench into the lead guard rotation when he comes back in a few weeks so consider Ridnour a temporary pick-up.

Others to consider: Jordan Farmar (5%), Kirk Hinrich (45%), Kyle Lowry (13%), Ramon Sessions (26%)

Steals — Reggie Evans, PF, Toronto Raptors; 22% owned in Yahoo! leagues

Shirts and Pants! Holy Shirts and Pants. It’s a little corny and obvious, but what do you get out of being subtle, right?

Evans is more known for his rebounding ability, but he’s been stealing balls (don’t do the Kaman joke, don’t do the Kaman joke…) at a relatively high rate this season. In the past three games, he’s averaged 2.3 SPG, but look past this small sample size and you’ll find for the season that Evans is averaging 1.6 rips a contest. However, this shouldn’t be too much of a surprise as his career Per 36 steal rate is 1.3. Evans is getting the most minutes in his career (about 28 per) this season and is obviously making the most of it.

Others to consider: Eric Bledsoe (51%), Corey Brewer (22%), Glen Davis (53%), Kyle Lowry (13%)

Blocks — Nazr Mohammed, C, Charlotte Bobcats; 15% owned in Yahoo! leagues

Hey, what were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What’d you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat?

Other than the first game of the season, Mohammed has blocked a shot in every contest (10 consecutive) and is averaging 1.5 BPG. In the past week, he’s rejected shots at a 2.7 per game clip and has an extra bounce in his step. Sure he was born in the 1970s, but like fine wine, his recent play is making you forget facts. Or something like that.

Others to consider: Shane Battier (31%), Taj Gibson (59%), Kris Humphries (14%), Ronny Turiaf (18%)

Fantasy Thoughts To Jump Off From

- Thus far this season, in Yahoo!’s total season rankings, Pau Gasol is ranked number one, Rudy Gay number two, and surprisingly, Paul Milsap is number three. It goes to show you that it’s all about opportunity and since getting burn on the court, Milsap has been killing it. By the way, this makes him a sell-high player. This is a great opportunity for you.

- I’ve had a man-crush on Serge Ibaka ever since he was drafted and it’s great to see him doing well. However, that 80% ownership in Yahoo! leagues needs to be higher. His 12.1 PPG, 7.9 RPG, 2.6 BPG, 59.1 FG%, 82.9 FT% in about 30 minutes per is pretty good, wouldn’t you say? Ibaka is a part of the youth movement going on in OKC and will get his minutes to develop. Obviously, if he’s available in your league, pick him up. Don’t be shy to trade for him either. Sell that he has a small sample size of production and laugh all the way to a playoff spot when you get him.

- The new Harry Potter movie comes out this weekend and I’ll be sure to be at the theatre to check it out. What does that have to do with fantasy sports? Nothing. But Emma Watson has everything to do with a different type of fantasy. Abra-mofuggin-cadabra!

Number of Team Games in Week 5

Five Games: ATL
Four Games:
CHA, CHI, CLE, DAL, DET, GSW, HOU, IND, LAC, MIA, NJN, NOR, NYK, OKC, ORL, PHI, PHO, SAS, UTA
Three Games:
BOS, DEN, LAL, MEM, MIL, MIN, SAC, TOR, WAS
Two Games:
POR

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