The holidays are right around the corner. It’s Thanksgiving this Thursday in the United States, then next month we’ve got Hannukah, Christmas, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, New Year’s Eve and probably some that I’m missing. Needless to say, you’re going to be taking lots of food over to your relatives’ houses pretty soon.

Thankfully, the Dallas Mavericks are now selling a cookbook for the low price of $19.99. It might seem weird that a professional basketball team would have their own cookbook, but when you see the recipes they’ve included, you’ll realize that this is an essential addition to any home’s bookshelf.

Here are some of our favorites:

  • Jason Kidd’s bread pudding — The oldest bread you can find is covered in pudding which somehow makes it taste delicious even though the bread you used is almost unfathomably old.
  • Brendan Haywood-smoked bacon — Crispy bacon is glazed with a sweet-and-spicy mix of disappointment and unearned contracts. Perfect on the Ian Maham-and-cheese Sandwich.
  • Jason Terryaki chicken — Grilled chicken breasts are sauteed in a tasty sauce that’s always a little more potent than you remember. Great as an appetizer, but even better as the second thing you eat.
  • Caron Butlerscotch candies — These sugary sweets are excellent in small doses. Never quite as good as you’d think, but they’re certainly better than no candy at all.
  • Dirk Nowitzkinned potatoes with Beaubois reduction sauce — A German dish that eats like a meal. Serve these and your guests will never leave hungry. The Beaubois sauce is a nice French twist on the standard potato, but no one’s quite sure how to use it just yet.

As you can imagine, there are a lot more recipes just like these. In fact, if you try hard enough, I’d bet you can guess some of them down in the comments. If not, you’ll just have to wait for Melas’ dinner party. Rumor has it he makes a great Souvlaki Walker, which is included in the “Hilariously Bad Recipes from Yesteryear” section of the Mavs’ cookbook.

(via The Two Man Game)

Comments (10)

  1. That doesn’t compare to my Mousakka Shakur.

  2. I’ve always liked your Baklavon Wafer.

  3. You’ve obviously never tried the accompaniment to Souvlaki Walker, my Saganaki Walker.

  4. Loukoumathes! Galaktoboureko! Greek Words! Patras! Kota!
    That is what we are doing here right?

  5. Am I correct in guessing that the Caron Butlerscotches are cooked with Mountain Dew as opposed to baking soda?

  6. Shawn Marionated Steak Tips?

  7. They look UGLY, but they go down way more often than you’d think.

  8. Roddy Beauboisbeque Ribs. Potentially the second most tasty dish in the cookbook but they’re so tender that they break easily.

  9. The Antoine Rigatoni, a French dish that was labeled the king of all french dishes. Turned out it just tasted like cheap cigarettes and an unused pair of Nikes.

  10. Shawn Marionated Steak-Decent piece of meat with good qualities. Without canadian bacon it is just another very average steak.

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