We can all agree that Andrei Kirilenko’s nickname — AK-47, natch — is one of the best around. He’s a Russian guy, he wears No. 47 and there’s a Russian rifle called the AK-47 that everybody knows about thanks to rap music. It’s perfect.

And since his nickname is so perfect, he seems like just the guy to ask for nickname suggestions. Thankfully, a Miami radio station did just that and they got this gem in response:

Whether there is another nickname in the league that is better than his:
“You know I thought if Pau Gasol would take #13 instead of #16, he would be PG13, which is pretty nice too, eh? I haven’t talked to him about that but I have thought about it.”

Pretty excellent, right? Not just his proposed Pau Gasol moniker, but also the fact that he spends time thinking of nicknames for other basketball players and that they’re similar to his. That’s amazing.

But what if it’s more than just Gasol that he’s considered. What if, by chance, Andrei Kirilenko has carefully considered pseudonyms for players around the league? It’s not out of the realm of possibility, since he’s already copped to doing so at least once.

Here’s what he probably considered:

  • “It would be pretty neat if Marresse Speights decided to wear No. 13 because then he could be MS-13 and everyone could call him ‘The World’s Most Dangerous Gang.’ Catchy, eh?”
  • “I wish Ed Davis wore No. 4 so that we could call him ED-4 which is almost like my favorite Will Smith movie.
  • “Too bad Vladimir Radmanovic’s middle name isn’t Christopher or Carl. I’d like to call him VCR. I miss VCRs.”
  • “Landry Fields really messed up by not wearing zero. LFO would be a great nickname because they were a great band. Rest in peace, Rich Cronin.”
  • “Obviously Nick Collison should wear No. 17 so he can be NC-17. I’m really in to the ratings nicknames.”

As you can see, the possibilities are endless. That’s why you should play along in the comments. It’s fun.

(via Deadspin)

Comments (10)

  1. Douglas Roberts should wear #74, ‘cuz that’s the amount of time there usually is on a CD-R.

    so, CD-R 74

  2. Brandon Jennings – BJ’s Wholesale
    if Brandan Wright’s middle name were Michael or something he’d be BMW, now if numbers went into the 700s…
    if Paul Pierce wore no. 7 he could be called PP7 which is the N64 Goldeneye version of a Walter PPK
    Unfortunately there hasn’t been an M.I. since Mile Ilic, but if he wore 6….

  3. Since KG is playing in Boston: KGB

  4. Caron Butler already wears #4, why the hell isn’t he reppin’ Locash?

  5. Quick note about AK… he’s also from the town where the rifle was created. Fun fact (thanks wikipedia!)

    If only Kevin Durant was Wevin Durant and his # was 40. Then he could be WD40.

    That’s all I got.

    (I also wrote something similar about CDR, then scrolled up. Embarrassment avoided)

  6. We gotta get away from the number/letter combos, I think.

    Like what if Terrance Williams’ nickname was ‘Indigestion’ because of all the terrible shots he ‘throws up’?

    Or like someone suggested on tumblr a while back, we start calling Rondo “Rajondo”.

  7. Reggie Evans should wear 0 and we would just call him “Speedwagon”.

  8. Kobe should change his uniform to 5. That would match his rings, and we could call him Mamba Number 5.

    PS. I am available for birthdays, bar mitzvahs and D-League halftime shows.

  9. Mo Peterson should wear #3 to be MP3

  10. The best unofficial nickname I’ve heard is Nenad Krstic’s:


    KRS being the first the letters of his last name, obviously, and the One being how many vowels in his last name.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *