Ever since those statues portraying Jesus playing various sports were introduced, scholars have been trying to figure out just how good the man was at the games of this world. It’s a question that needs answering and hundreds of millions of dollars have been committed to researching this important question.

Silly scholars. They should have just asked Ron Artest. He revealed the answer after justifying Kobe Bryant’s ejection in last night’s game against the Milwaukee Bucks. Here it is, from a report by NBA FanHouse’s Chris Tomasson:

“It happened in the past, it happened in the present, it happened in the future,” Artest said. “Not just for him. All players (get ejected). That happens a lot of times. You see guys get ejected. Rip Hamilton got ejected (recently) in Detroit. Bob Cousy got ejected … The only person who never got ejected was Jesus.”

Artest was asked if he had checked Jesus’ box scores.

“No ejections,” Artest said. “He was 10 for 10s, a lot of 20 for 20s (in shooting). Perfect from the free-throw line. Infinity rebounding stats.”

Sorry, Dolph Schayes. You have officially been replaced as the best Jewish basketball player ever.

Sure, Dolph is a Hall of Famer, 12-time All-Star and one-time NBA Coach of the Year, but he missed shots, missed free throws and didn’t grab every rebound that was ever missed. Not to mention, it’s not Schayesmas that we’re getting ready to celebrate this week.

Advantage: Jesus. He was perfect, after all.

Comments (12)

  1. Wonder if Jesus blocked shots…maybe not, he doesn’t seem like that would part of his game.

  2. Ron Artest is an ass. Always has been, always will be. No amount of hiding behind the Lord will make him anything but an ass hiding behind the Lord.

  3. The bad thing on Jesus’ stat line… 0 steals.

  4. Trey, you got one thing wrong though: “Advantage: Jesus. He was perfect, after all.” No. IS.

  5. Coach had to get annoyed when Jesus would always go day-to-day for 3 days at a time though.

  6. He’s like the Kobe to Horus’ MJ

  7. I think you mean to say Amar’e Stoudemire was replaced as the greatest Jewish basketball player. I think he definitely has a leg up on Schayes.

  8. I agree with Jon, jesus would defiantly not steal the ball. However he’d probably pray really hard and the ball would bounce right to him magically

  9. Christ’s passover-assist ratio is terrible, though.

  10. The real comparison is between Schayes and Stoudamire. Jesus never played the game, and he died too young – before he could have had a full career, in a game that had not been invented yet..

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