Did you know that if you were to dissect Kevin Love, inside of him you would find exactly one million tiny gears, each of which has been engineered by Swiss scientists to score at least 10 points and grab 10 rebounds in each basketball game in which Love plays? It’s true. That’s why he’s a double-double machine. Zing.

He even has an algorhtyhm programmed in to his brain structure that helps to notify him if he is lagging behind his engineered pace. It’s similar to the thermostat in your house, only it’s on the inside of a cyborg rebounder. Last night, on his way to a Timberwolves record 38th straight double-double, it came in handy. From the AP:

Kevin Love was a little annoyed when he glanced at the scoreboard in the second half of Tuesday’s game in Houston and realized he was still short of his usual double-double. [...]

“I’m not going to lie to you,” Love said. “In this one, I was aware, because when you look straight ahead, I kept looking up and trying to get the score. I knew if I had the time, eventually, I was going to get it. It wasn’t bugging me too much.”

Hey, when a guy’s trying to make history, he should know what he’s up against. This isn’t Andray Blatche trying to desperately chase down a rebound to get his first triple-double in the final 30 seconds of a 10-point game . This is a dude realizing he needed to get himself going if he wanted to make history, then scoring 11 points and grabbing four rebounds in the final quarter of a 4-point victory. If that’s selfish, then selfish is cool.

But really, as we learned in the first two paragraphs, this is just science at its best. Kevin Love can’t help grabbing a ton of rebounds and scoring lots of points, just like your coffee maker can’t help brewing you a delicious cup of breakfast blend.

Comments (11)

  1. At first I was impressed by Kevin Love’s stats. But as the season went on, I realized his numbers were wildly inflated by obvious factors.

    First, he plays on a crappy team, so he gets all the touches he wants (to score) and it’s likely no one on his team wants to get a rebound away from him.

    Second, he obvious plays for stats, I’ve never heard/read anything from/about him relating to trying to win games, making his teammates better, etc. The only thing you ever hear about him is stats, stats and more stats. Shit, his all-star campain was about numbers.

    He does make his team better. Does he even play defense? I’ve seen him play and he’s a crappy defender at best.

    He stole an All-Star spot from more deserving players like Aldridge and Randolph. You don’t think Dwight would average 30-20 if he went for it on a crappy team and didn’t care about his team or defense? Exactly.

  2. Why In-N-Out Burger hasn’t signed him to a promo deal is beyond me.

  3. Barachat said it right I think – he is a DECENT player on a shitty team. Nothing more. If stats are so important why isn’t Monta Ellis an all star?? At least scoring at will is much more fun to watch than rebounds :))

  4. @ Barachat. I completely agree all this K-Love hype is really starting to piss me off. People are acting like he’s a top ten player in the league. He doesn’t play smart basketball, and his teammates aren’t nearly as bad as people are making them out to be. Compare this T-wolves team to that which KG carried to the Western finals, and you’ll see what a true difference maker is. He just doesn’t have the type of impact on a game his stats portray.

  5. What is the kids say these days? Haters gon’ hate? That’s what they say, right? Anyway, if Garnett had had to deal with the ongoing shitshow that is Luke Ridnour/Jonny Flynn/Bassy Telfair at the point, he would have killed Rick Rickert, rather than just punched him, and he would now be in jail, and that would be really sad, especially for Rick Rickert, because he would be dead.

    What I’m saying is that Love deserves all the accolades he gets. Carry on with your day.

  6. +1 to Barachat. Aldridge > Love. Steve Nash should have been in over Love as well. Two time MVPs having decent season should get in before a stat monger.

  7. You see how Griffin also makes 20/10 games all over the place but he also INSPIRES the people around him and the results are clear with the way the Clippers are playin as of late. So I guess it is really all about fighting for that basket/rebound rather than having to do it because noone else wants/can.

    I’m not hating – he is a good player, but by no means an all star. he is just good enough to take advantage of the situation in Minnesota.

  8. name the last player to average 21-15 (yes, that is an average double-double, and leads the leage in rebs) and shoot the three 40+%? yes, there was no player before.

    name the last palyer to average 20+-10+ and 40+3pt%? Larry Bird.

    name the last player to average 15+ rpg? that was Ben Wallace like 8 years ago.

    name the palyers that are averaging 20ppg10rpg this season! Howard (AS: check), Griffin (check), Z-Bo (not check) and Love.

    and to remind you, Kevin Love is only in his third year.

  9. @flegman

    Dude, you can never convince me with numbers when it comes to basketball, unless the man is averaging 45 points and 23 rebounds with 7 blocks.

    In other words, stats mean nothing to me, and honestly, I hope they do not mean that much to you.

  10. As soon as Kevin Love leaves the Wolves and joins a decent team, people will be shitting themselves going “Oh my god, Kevin Love has become amazing!” even though he’ll be the exact same player.

  11. K Love is the most selfish player I have seen inside current league.

    Except the terrible defense, have an eye on the offense, what is love doing when he isn’t core?? Where does he always stand at??


    here is a pic of Knicks vs Miami, what would happen if Knick’s PF is also under the basket? But K Love is always there waiting for a rebound!

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