Bummer that there’s a pre-roll ad here, but the Onion SportsDome’s latest Shaquille O’Neal takedown is well worth it. I mean, we get a new Shaq nickname, various anatomical jokes and Gary Payton talking science all in the course of 96 seconds. Can’t be beat, except for the time they said he had a heart attack, died, was defibrillated and then suffered a stroke against the Thunder. That wins, but only barely.

And really, with Dirk Nowitzki’s bad ankle, Jason Kidd’s old age and Roddy Beaubois’ injured foot, the Mavericks could probably use a cadaver for some extra tendons. They might even be able to get Caron Butler back with all those additional ligaments. Something to think about.