Baron Davis

See that facial expression? I’m almost positive that was the look on Baron Davis’ face when he learned earlier this week that he’s been traded from his hometown Los Angeles Clippers to the Cleveland Cavaliers. Regardless of how crushed he must be about this development in his life, Davis posted a very gracious farewell message to the Clippers organization and fans on Facebook today.

There are some lovely sentiments expressed in that message, but something tells me that his Facebook farewell should not be taken at face value. So I’ve done you the favor of reading between the lines so that you can understand how Davis is really feeling…

“First and foremost, I want to say thank you to the fans in LA and all of Clipper Nation.”

(Particularly the part of Clipper Nation that didn’t yell “Fatty” and “B-Chubby” at me over the last two-and-a-half seasons.)

“Not many guys get the chance to play at home in front of their family and friends the way I have been able to the past couple seasons, and I am grateful for that opportunity.”

(I’m particularly grateful for the $65 million contract the Clippers signed me to, which was about $20 million more than anyone else offered me.)

“My former teammates will always be my family, and I wish them and the organization nothing but the best.”

(Except for Donald Sterling, of course. He can eat a bag of dicks.)

“I can’t wait to join my new team, bring good energy and help us win games. I’m ready to call The Q home and bring some excitement!!!”

(I figure I can throw alley-oops to LeBron just as easily as I did to Blake. He’s still on the team, right?)

“See you soon Ohio! The Beard is on its way!”

(Yeah, on its way into Dan Gilbert’s office to negotiate a full buyout.)