As we all know, the Los Angeles Lakers have the worst fans in the history of the NBA, at least according to the world’s finest suggester of luxury pocket squares. And though we also all know that this applies only to the Lakers’ fair-weather celebrity fans and that their real fans are just as basketball-rabid as those of any other team in the league, the stereotype persists because Jack Nicholson is far more famous than Nick Jackolson, who is a Lakers fan that runs a used book store in Rancho Cucamonga. Sorry, normal Lakers fans, but that’s just the way it is.

In fact, it’s such a commonly held belief that their players agree. Well, at least one player, who happens to be Ron Artest so maybe it’s not the best idea to consider his opinion as the common thinking. Nonetheless, he sees where GQ is coming from. From the super chill Land O’ Lakers bros at ESPN:

“Our season ticket holders, they come to the game with Grey Poupon. Slice of bread, and some silverware. It’s good. It’s a different type of thing. They’re eating caviar. They’ve got manicures on the floor. You can get [a] manicure, pedicure. How many arenas can you get a pedicure and watch the game?” [...]

“They’ve seen winning all the time, so they want to see something more exciting… If I moonwalk after I get a rebound, that’s exciting,” Artest explained. “If [Andrew Bynum] does, like, a cartwheel, take his shirt off, and [puts] electrical shocks on his nipples and starts doing the Electric Slide, that’s exciting.”

OK, so here are some things that need to happen: Everything in those two paragraphs. The Grey Poupon, the pedicures, the moonwalk and definitely the nipple buzzers, which would take the “Andrew Bynum looks like Tracy Morgan” meme to another level. All of it. “Just do it.” — Kevin Nike

But really, he does get at some truth in this few sentences of jokes. Lakers fans — all of them — are used to winning, what with the five titles in the 80s, a three-peat in the 2000s and two straight championships in the Nows. They’ve won a lot of the time, forever. With that kind of success, you have to do something really wowsertons to excite them, which isn’t necessarily fair but it’s true.

And it’s not bad, per se — it’s just different than any other fanbase in sports, just like Los Angeles is different than any other city anywhere. It’s hard to understand how anyone in Los Angeles would ever want to do anything besides be outside, let alone get excited about a team that always seems to win. Lakers fans are picky, but they come by it naturally. You try being in Los Angeles day in and day out, watching the Lakers for years and years without becoming accustomed to greatness.

Besides, Grey Poupon is delicious. Every arena should serve it. That way it won’t be so weird when some rich guy pulls up next to you in a limousine, trying to borrow some of your tasty mustard.

(via PBT)