Last night, the Washington Wizards beat the Detroit Pistons for their third win in a row, a feat they have not accomplished since April 2008. A lot has happened since then. Here are just a few notable things that have come about since the Wizards’ last three game win streak, in roughly chronological order:

  • Two humans get bionic eye implants, signaling the beginning of the robot uprising.
  • John Wall graduates high school.
  • Washington Wizards win two playoff games against LeBron James and the Cavaliers.
  • Boston Celtics win their first NBA title in 22 years.
  • Blake Griffin drafted first overall by Los Angeles Clippers.
  • Blake Griffin injured.
  • Pretty much everyone on Earth goes broke.
  • Large Hadron Collider starts doing whatever it does. People make tons of “Hardon” jokes.
  • Michael Phelps wins eight gold medals. Gets totally high about it, bro.
  • New Kids on the Block release a new album.
  • Barack Obama elected president.
  • Trey Kerby gets married.
  • Barack Obama sworn in as president.
  • Conan O’Brien becomes host of “The Tonight Show.”
  • Barack Obama finally wears shorts to play basketball for the first time.
  • People find out who Asher Roth is.
  • People forget who Asher Roth is.
  • “Avatar” comes out, completely revolutionizing cinema in a way that has nothing to do with good movies.
  • Lady Gaga gets her first No. 1 song, just the beginning of weird things that happen concerning her.
  • Swine flu becomes a thing we all know about. Pigs laugh, steal bird eggs.
  • Yao Ming injured.
  • Los Angeles Lakers win their first NBA title in seven years.
  • Michael Jackson dies.
  • Yams the Dog adopted by Trey Kerby.
  • Greg Oden injured.
  • Conan O’Brien removed as host of “The Tonight Show.”
  • “Lost” ends with every question answered and every fan happy with the finale.
  • Winter Olympics take place in Vancouver. People really care about curling for two weeks then promptly forget all the rules.
  • Ke$ha happens, marking lowest point in human history.
  • Los Angeles Lakers win their first NBA title in one year.
  • Wilbur the Cat adopted by Trey Kerby.
  • LeBron James wisely decides to go through with “The Decision.”
  • Spain wins World Cup, led by a guy who looks like a dad at a farmer’s market.
  • Swine flu is over. Hipsters move on to equine flu.
  • Greg Oden returns.
  • Yao Ming returns.
  • Greg Oden injured.
  • Yao Ming injured.
  • Wikileaks leaks all kinds of wikis.
  • The White Stripes break up.
  • Black Eyed Peas perform at Super Bowl XLV, showing China how to do light displays.
  • Charlie Sheen.
  • UCONN and Butler play the best game in basketball history, except the opposite.

That’s pretty much it. At this pace, the next time the Wizards win three straight games we’ll be driving flying cars, talking about injuries to fragile centers and trying to figure out how Ke$ha is still famous. Can’t wait.

Comments (7)

  1. I would rather say next time, we will say Ke$ha who ?

    Today Skeets called Blatche mister april and it’s soooo true. The guy is disappointing even when he plays well…

    You really can’t make it short Trey, can you ? :-p

  2. No, “Friday” is the lowest point in human history.

  3. That was the funniest post i’ve ever read. hahahaha

  4. they have john wall….we build on andrea?

  5. Cricket world cup happened, duh!!

  6. By “Dad at a farmer’s market” do you mean David Villa? AndrĂ©s Iniesta? I’m not sure I get it.

  7. Same as Czernobog, although Iniesta sure would make sense…

    So, the low point in human history has nothing to do with “Jersey Shore”?
    That’s shocking!

    btw, we should stay alert, ‘cuz it seems we get a new low evry year or so…

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