Out of nowhere, the Chicago Bulls won 62 games, tops in the NBA and the exact same number of victories they had in their last championship season. They have the presumptive league MVP in Derrick Rose. They have the presumptive Coach of the Year in Tom Thibodeau. They have the world’s best cheerleader in Brian Scalabrine. Simply put, things are pretty good in Bullsland.
Except for the part where Keith Bogans is their starting shooting guard. Sure, he got a vote for Defensive Player of the Year from an 86-year-old lunatic, but he also has the fourth-lowest PER of any guard who started 40 or more games this season. That’s not good.
But, as has been the case for everything else that’s happened this season, Derrick Rose has an answer. From ESPN:
“We’re kind of sad that Obama is doing everything right now, because we need a starting 2-guard for the playoffs,” Rose said. “We’ll have to deal with it.”
Brilliant solution. Not only would Obama probably quit being president if he were allowed to play for the Bulls in the playoffs, not only would it also solve the Keith Bogans conundrum — which got so bad, by the way, that a local newspaper did a full-page joke about how bad Bogans is offensively — it would also probably result in Obama leading the Bulls to an NBA championship.
Sure, that probably sounds ludicrous since he’s 49 years old and has never played professional basketball and is incredibly skinny, but think of it this way — who is going to foul the President of the United States of America? Probably just Zach Randolph and the Bulls wouldn’t have to worry about that until the Finals. Ergo, Obamsies is shooting wide-open shots and weird running layups with his legs bent. On defense, no one’s going to want to hurt him by going to hard, so that’ll take his man completely out of the game. You cannot argue with these facts. (Seriously, you can’t. Because you would feel so dumb for arguing about this.)
Basically the only problem I see with this plan is that it’s probably too late for Obama to petition the league to allow him to wear jogging pants under his uniform. Otherwise, totally a great plan. Good thinking, Derrick Rose.