There is no greater honor in the history of the world than having your own statue. Who wouldn’t want a metallic version of themselves that looks very little like them that a bunch of people will take pictures with while they perform lewd acts on said statue? Being statueized is literally the highest praise one could ever hope to receive.

And Kareem Abdul-Jabbar wants that praise. Badly. From the Sporting News:

“I don’t understand (it). It’s either an oversight or they’re taking me for granted. I’m not going to try to read people’s minds, but it doesn’t make me happy. It’s definitely a slight. I feel slighted.”

In a subsequent statement passed along by his business manager, Abdul-Jabbar said: “I am highly offended by the total lack of acknowledgement of my contribution to Laker success. I guess being the lynchpin for five world championships is not considered significant enough in terms of being part of Laker history.”

I don’t know if there’s a way to immortalize petulant comments, but if there is, “I guess being the lynchpin for five world championships is not considered significant enough in terms of being part of Laker history” should get all the plaques in the world. Or maybe whenever Kareem does get his statue, it should have this quote engraved on it and a bronze lynchpin in his fake hand.

Because that’s the really funny thing — Kareem is going to get a statue. The Lakers already have it planned and everything. Dude just needs to relax.

The Lakers offered this response, via spokesman John Black:

“We’ve been at Staples Center 11 years and have two ex-players who have statues now. It’s not like we do it every year; we have no timetable. Whenever we do the next statue of the third Los Angeles Lakers player, it (will be) Kareem—and he has been told that. Again, we didn’t say when that was going to be. It could be next year, the year after or several years from now.”

So Kareem is already getting a statue AND he already knows that to be the case? Then what is he complaining about? Is this just a strong-arm tactic to get them started on his statue design? Clever girl.

Obviously, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar needs to chill out. Now that Bill Russell is all statued up, Kareem might be the most statue-worthy retiree alive. He will get his statue. He will wear a Skyhook t-shirt and Skechers Shape-Ups to the ceremony. Someone will Photoshop his terrible jacket on to pictures of the bronze Kareem and we’ll all share a laugh. It’s all good, man.

Until then, just take it easy. After all, complaining about the statue he’s already getting might make the Lakers rethink their decision, like a mom turning this dang car around. No one likes a whiner.