Kris Nathan Humphries and Kimberley Noel Kardashian would like to announce their engagement.
Kim, daughter of the late Robert Kardashian and the remarried Kris Jenner (not weird that her fiancé and mom have the exact same name, so shut up), is a famous person who is on TV shows, sells branded versions of whatever people will buy, and was once named the ninth hottest female by a men’s magazine for high schoolers.
Kris, son of William and Deborah Humphries, is a power forward for the New Jersey Nets who is known for his resemblance to Taylor Lautner, almost winning the Sixth Man of the Year once, and being OK with everyone calling him “Hump.”
The engagement was stunningly gorgeous as Kris (the guy one) spelled out “Will you marry me?” in rose petals, then gave Kim a 20.5 carat engagement ring that cost $2 million, which must mean that Kris is expecting a big contract this summer even though there’s going to be a lockout. To celebrate, Kim’s mom brought over two mini-horses that were covered in glitter, which isn’t even surprising. When reached for comment, the horses (both named Ronald) responded, “Neeeeeiiiiiigggggh.”
No wedding date has been set, but Las Vegas bookmakers have named the Nets as favorites to win the 2011-2012 NBA championship.