Kris Nathan Humphries and Kimberley Noel Kardashian would like to announce their engagement.

Kim, daughter of the late Robert Kardashian and the remarried Kris Jenner (not weird that her fiancé and mom have the exact same name, so shut up), is a famous person who is on TV shows, sells branded versions of whatever people will buy, and was once named the ninth hottest female by a men’s magazine for high schoolers.

Kris, son of William and Deborah Humphries, is a power forward for the New Jersey Nets who is known for his resemblance to Taylor Lautner, almost winning the Sixth Man of the Year once, and being OK with everyone calling him “Hump.”

The couple enjoy looking at each other, frolicking in the water while wearing small swimsuits, and watching the E! network.

The engagement was stunningly gorgeous as Kris (the guy one) spelled out “Will you marry me?” in rose petals, then gave Kim a 20.5 carat engagement ring that cost $2 million, which must mean that Kris is expecting a big contract this summer even though there’s going to be a lockout. To celebrate, Kim’s mom brought over two mini-horses that were covered in glitter, which isn’t even surprising. When reached for comment, the horses (both named Ronald) responded, “Neeeeeiiiiiigggggh.”

No wedding date has been set, but Las Vegas bookmakers have named the Nets as favorites to win the 2011-2012 NBA championship.

Comments (9)

  1. When reached for comment, the horses (both named Ronald) responded, “Neeeeeiiiiiigggggh.”

    so funny.

  2. I certainly hope Lady Kris got the glitter covered horses idea from the recent Newt Gingrich Glitter protest.

  3. I see you spying back there, Hov.

  4. The Kardashian girls have quite the thing for Sixth Men of the Year candidates.

    Clearly this means Kourtney’s going to end up marrying Jamal Crawford.

  5. Would she marry him if his name was Chris Humphries?

  6. I give it three years. Tops.

  7. This might be wildly inappropriate but is Kris Humpries black or white?

  8. Love is blind, no? Direction of your choice.

  9. [...] Nets, Ostentatious Displays of Wealth, Random on Jun 15, 2011 Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian are getting married on Oct. 31 of this year, which means you only have 139 days to figure out which gift you are going [...]

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