If Shaquille O’Neal is the captain of your pirate ship, then you probably have several holes in your boat that can’t be repaired, and when you try fix one, a new one breaks on another part of the hull. You also probably thought you’d be able to get your boat fixed in time for your biggest pillaging mission of the year, only to realize that there was no way this boat was ready to sail the seas, what with all the broken parts everywhere.

Then you traded one of your finest deckhands and a parrot for this guy who might be an OK pirate and definitely seems like he knows how to tie a bunch of different knots. But then — whoops, your boat sank.

(via BuzzFeed)