Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the 2011 South Beach Grandpappy Fashion Show, Florida’s finest resort wear showcase. We’ve got some very exciting looks for you all today, but let’s start things off with a special treat — LeBron James and Dwyane Wade of the Miami Heat, wearing some of the fashions we’ll have for sale later this afternoon.

On your left, LeBron James! He’s wearing a salmon-colored nubbly jacket just like the one that your grandpa won’t give to Goodwill even though your grandma’s been trying to get rid of it for years. Look at the way the pinkish hue brings out the flush in his cheeks. Exquisite. He’s paired that jacket with a pair of white pants so thin you can see his big white underwear when he bends down to fish his ball out of the hole on the 18th green, a look you’ll see on golf courses all across Florida. He’s topped all that off with a white shirt and teal tie, to give things a real cruise worker flavor. Welcome to the Caribbean, mon!

On your right, Dwyane Wade! Dwyane’s sporting a more subdued number today, but it’s still great for all you geezers out there. The real eye-catcher is that lavender cardigan, completely unnecessary in the Miami Heat, but oh so soft. With that crisp white dress shirt and dark tie, he looks ready for an afternoon on the town. Maybe some shuffleboard and Werther’s Originals? In that getup, anything’s in play. Grey polyester trousers, a grandpa staple, complete the outfit, making this a versatile ensemble that can go from the coffee shop to a nap in the La-Z-Boy during “Matlock” in a jiffy.

As you would imagine, LeBron and Dwyane are being transported down our runway today via golf cart, South Florida’s preferred mode of transportation. Where are they headed? Probably to our Grandpappy Fashion boutique, where these exact outfits are being sold. Head on down there after the show to get snazzy.

But hurry. You wouldn’t want to miss the early bird special!