Chris Bosh was poked in the eye early in Game 3, leaving him writhing on the ground in pain. And while a team of medical experts were able to salvage the eye, and Bosh was able to hit a game-winning jumper with a swollen left eyelid, the Heat are going to want to do everything they can to ensure the health of their third-most important player from this point forward. Here are some suggestions.

Band-aid and spit
Protection level (1-10): 1
Advantages: Bosh’s preferred method of treatment. Very unobtrusive.
Disadvantages: Low level of protection. Spitting in your own eye is hard to do and pretty gross anyway.

Protection level: 8
Advantages: Supreme injury protection. Stylish.
Disadvantages: Ill-fitting. Will end up getting him nicknamed “Sabo.”

Pirate Eye Patch
Protection level: 2 (6 if an undead pirate.)
Advantages: Looks awesome. Strikes fear in the hearts of 18th century damsels.
Disadvantages: “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” was completely unnecessary.

Kano Laser Eye
Protection level: 10+, due to attack capabilities.
Advantages: Deadly laser will make it easy for him to get to the basket. Will never suffer another eye injury, due to not having an eye anymore.
Disadvantages: Pricey. No one really liked Kano that much.

Protection level: 4
Advantages: Incredibly dapper. Makes you look smart/British.
Disadvantages: Basketball jersey’s lack of pockets makes it impossible to attach string.

“Boardwalk Empire” Half-face Mask
Protection level: 10
Advantages: No one will want to look at him, so he’ll be pretty open. Extremely protective since half of face will be removed.
Disadvantages: Hard to find a good mask guy these days.

Comments (15)

  1. LOL, loving the Mortal Kombat one the most :)

  2. Bosh’s Press conference after the Kano Surgery:

    “‘ello baby”

    “Did you miss me?”

  3. Trey Kirby, I love you

  4. Trey, you are the best!

  5. Hahahaha yes! This is amazing

  6. If you love Trey so much you should probably learn to spell his last name.

  7. His eye looks fine. Stop the theatrics.

    Bosh flopped too much on the way to the finals. Surely the refs are evening things out.

    Can someone please injure this jokster for real? All this crying wolf.

    Imagine if Rodman faced Bosh in the finals. Rodman would bend Bosh like gumby.

  8. @Rhett

    Shut up, bitch. 2-1

  9. Completely unrelated to Chris Bosh or eyes, but Gordon Heyward is streaming some SC2 at Team Liquid: would have not been on my radar for dudes who play and/or stream SC2.

  10. Wonder what he thought of the recent MLG Dallas?

  11. @Rhett
    Yes Rhetty that right, if Rodman matched up against Like-a-Bosh he probably would have bent him like a gumby (Not sure he plays that way but hey whatever floats the boat).
    But Kano-eye would have laser pocked the be-jingo out of Rodman. Imagine THAT! peaow peaow BANG

  12. The last one looks like Tmac

  13. @marshalle

    I know how to spell his last name.

    You obviously haven’t seen the TIME best blogs of 2011 page :)

  14. ahhh nice TL shout out Torgo !

  15. David Bowie different coloured eye solution.

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