Chris Bosh was poked in the eye early in Game 3, leaving him writhing on the ground in pain. And while a team of medical experts were able to salvage the eye, and Bosh was able to hit a game-winning jumper with a swollen left eyelid, the Heat are going to want to do everything they can to ensure the health of their third-most important player from this point forward. Here are some suggestions.
Band-aid and spit
Protection level (1-10): 1
Advantages: Bosh’s preferred method of treatment. Very unobtrusive.
Disadvantages: Low level of protection. Spitting in your own eye is hard to do and pretty gross anyway.
Protection level: 8
Advantages: Supreme injury protection. Stylish.
Disadvantages: Ill-fitting. Will end up getting him nicknamed “Sabo.”
Pirate Eye Patch
Protection level: 2 (6 if an undead pirate.)
Advantages: Looks awesome. Strikes fear in the hearts of 18th century damsels.
Disadvantages: “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” was completely unnecessary.
Kano Laser Eye
Protection level: 10+, due to attack capabilities.
Advantages: Deadly laser will make it easy for him to get to the basket. Will never suffer another eye injury, due to not having an eye anymore.
Disadvantages: Pricey. No one really liked Kano that much.
Protection level: 4
Advantages: Incredibly dapper. Makes you look smart/British.
Disadvantages: Basketball jersey’s lack of pockets makes it impossible to attach string.
“Boardwalk Empire” Half-face Mask
Protection level: 10
Advantages: No one will want to look at him, so he’ll be pretty open. Extremely protective since half of face will be removed.
Disadvantages: Hard to find a good mask guy these days.