Joe Lacob, Warriors owner: Hi, Mark. We’re really glad you’re able to meet with us today.

Mark Jackson: Are you kidding me?

Jerry West, consultant: OK, so let’s get in to some Xs and Os. We’re kind of notorious for our poor defense. How would you change that?

MJ: Hand down, man down.

JL: Excuse me?

MJ: Hand down, man down.

JL: So … you’d tell the team to keep their hands down?

MJ: You’re better than that.

JW: You’d tell them to keep them up?

MJ: Mama, there goes that man. (points at West and winks)

JW: What?

MJ: Are you kidding me?

JW: No, I’m serious. What about my mama? (raises fist)

MJ: Calm down, palm down.

JL: Easy guys. Easy. Let’s talk offense. We’re known for playing uptempo. We score a lot. We’ve got talented offensive players. Fans love it. We’d like that to stay the same. Your thoughts?

MJ: I’mma care, knows that fan.

JL: OK, good. We care about the fans too.

MJ: Fans down, brand’s down.

JL: Exactly. So, you’re saying you’d be OK playing fast?

MJ: Are you kidding me?

JW: He’s not.

MJ: I’mma propose that plan.

JW: Good. Let’s talk nutrition. In today’s NBA, it’s important for a team to be in perfect shape, especially when you play how we do. How would you implement good health among our players?

MJ: Can down, Spam down.

JL: No soda, no processed foods. I like it.

MJ: Mama, there goes that flan.

JW: No desserts either. Nice.

MJ: Store cheddar, thin fat.

JL: Yes, yes. Get rid of the cheese. Eliminate as much fat as possible. Very impressive.

JW: This has really been great, Mark.

MJ: Are you bidding me?

JL: Actually, we are. We’d like you to be the new coach of the Golden State Warriors. (reaches under table)

MJ: Mama, where goes that hand?

JW: He’s just grabbing the contract, Mark. Relax.

MJ: Sign now, pine now?

JL: Yep, just sign right here and you’re in charge or the starters, the bench, everything.

MJ: (signs contract) Pen down, when now?

JL: We’ll let you finish up the Finals with ABC, but then it’s time for work. Really excited about this, Coach.

MJ: Mama, there goes that chan’. (laughs)

JL: Yep, no more TV work. See you soon. Take care.

Comments (18)

  1. Those fade-outs into the commercials must be on of the most irritating things on TV!!! Everybody hates on Reggie, but I personallly think Jackson’s over dramatic outros are far far worse. It’s almost like he’s seeing into the future, knows what the game will be, plays, etc.and then sits the night efore the game and practices those outros. I just hate it… :///

  2. Dag. Hadn’t seen either of those yet. Kind of amazing to think that these three things were being written at the same time.

  3. I am sure Mark Jackson is not entirely ret*rded and understands his bit of the game. But when browsing the web today, it is becoming more clear to me that, throughout his TV career, I am not the only one who has gradually lost all respect in his communication skills, his analytical abilities, and thereby all confidence in his leadership.

    Of course the ESPN-(related)-guys won’t question the decision by the Warriors. Still, maybe some other trustworthy source will come up with an argument why this might have been an intelligent move.

  4. I think it’s a hire based on the Doc Rivers playbook. Hire a guy who was a great teammate and will be able to relate to modern day players. Besides, it’s not like the Warriors have anywhere to go but up.

  5. And if you think about it – those NBATV Wired segments from the Warriors timeouts and huddles would most certainly be instant TV Gold!! :)

  6. OOOHHH LLLAAAAWWWWDDDD!!!! I’m going to cherish the fact that he will no longer be announcing for however long it will be. I don’t think that JVG and Breen will continue just by themeselves i wonder who they’ll bring in to complete the trio.

  7. Given Jackson’s proclivity for longwinded outtro’s, I wonder if his teams will ever take the court after a timeout?

  8. I can’t wait for him to have Steph Curry put on 30 pounds so he can back, back, back guys down in the post.

  9. This was the most hilarious thing I have read in days.

    If only you’d somehow incorporated this:

  10. Kerby wins. To hilarious.

  11. Mama there goes that man.

  12. After looking it up, I just realized that “hand down, man down” is a boxing phrase, meaning if you don’t have your hands up to guard your face, you’ll soon be knocked out. All this time I though Jackson made it up.

  13. Could have also added some “No question about it!” or “Out-STANDING job of…” etc. of his signature calls. ;)

  14. Am I the only one who loves MJ & JVG commentary? As long as his outros and signiature calls are, they make me laugh and the rants him & JVG go on.

  15. Trey Kerbay strikes again.

  16. No, James, I’m with you. I’m always surprised to hear people complain about JVG in particular. I enjoy their sense of humor and the rants too.

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