Here is some very important information with regards to high-fiving in the NBA Finals, courtesy of the Wall Street Journal, America’s finest collector of high-five data:
The Mavericks, with 250 slaps, hugs, taps or bumps, are almost twice as touchy-feely as the Heat, who had only 134 instances of televised contact. In those three games, the Mavericks were 82% more likely to high five.
There are a few conclusions to draw from these enlightening figures:
- If you know anything about high-fiving in the NBA, you know that teammates touching each other a lot, not in a weird way, is indicative of team success. If you don’t know anything about high-fiving in the NBA, then you are painfully uneducated and should enroll in college to study NBA High-Fiving, which is the third-fastest growing major in the world.
- With the correlation between showing love and winning in mind, it is amazing that the Mavericks haven’t swept the series. All those high-fives should translate to massive blowout victories, which hasn’t been the case. I don’t want to sound blasphemous, but it seems like there might be something besides teammate affection that has an influence on performance.
- Mike Bibby, who’s only given out nine high-fives in 71 minutes of playing time, is a jerk. You probably already knew this, but now you’ve got numbers to back you up.
- We’ve finally found out why Juwan Howard keeps getting contracts. He’s averaging 38 high-fives per 48 minutes. Adding him to your team instantly ups your high-five quotient (HFQ). And, as we all know, there is nothing more important to a basketball team than HFQ.
- It should come as no surprise that your dad is leading the Finals in high-fives per 48. Sure, through three games he’d only given one high-five in one minute of playing time, but still. He’s always been very supportive of you and your friends, even when you wanted him to help you build that tree house that he knew you’d only use for three weeks. He still got that thing built with a smile on his face, just because he likes making you happy.
- J.J. Barea has a surprisingly low high-fives per 48 (16.9), but that’s probably because no one wants to bend down that low to give him dap.
- Of the Heat’s big three, Chris Bosh is the most affectionate. Duh.
- Jason Terry would give more high-fives, but he’s too busy acting like a jet. Vroooom!
- Peja Stojakovic has the worst high-fives per 48 (14.8) on the Mavs, which is probably the reason he was taken out of the rotation. Show some love, for Pete’s sake.
This is obviously way too many words about high-fives, but now you are super educated about the single deciding factor in this year’s Finals. If the Heat don’t turn things around, this series is going to be over in no time, and no one’s going to want to slap skin when that happens.
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