Mark Cuban is an innovator, this much we know. As far as I can tell, he invented high definition televisions, radio over the Internet and Twitter, making him a billionaire a few times over. As such, he can’t do something boring like championship rings. So he’s doing something different. From Eye On Basketball:
“I might not get rings,” the Mavs’ billionaire owner told NBATV. “Rings are old school. You’ve seen it before: There’s guys who pick up the sweats and towels and they have these big, blingy rings. I’m like, ‘Rings are done. It’s time to take it to the next level.’”
Fair enough, Mr. Blingy Rings. But what will he do instead? Here are some suggestions.
Crowns — Not only is a crown the all-time most boss way of proclaiming your greatness, this is also a great way to mock LeBron James. That’s one of Mark Cuban’s favorite things, so this is a very likely ring substitute.
Belt buckles — To begin with, custom belt buckles are awesome. I had a giant “T” one back in college that I lost and am still pretty salty about that. How do you lose a belt buckle? Anyway, moving on. A Mavs belt buckle, forged from solid gold and silver, would be a great look. Plus, since they’re a Texas team, replicas would fly off the shelf. Cuban knows how to make a buck, so this could easily happen.
White horses with blue hair — Since that is apparently what a Maverick is.
Customized commemorative plates — Easy to display, fun to look at and something to treasure for a lifetime, championship commemorative plates would look fantastic next to the Princess Diana and Kate and Wills plates that every middle age housewife already owns. One problem I forsee is that eating off a DeShawn Stevenson plate would be terrifying.
Framed poster-sized reproductions of this picture — As a gag gift, but also as the timeless art of seduction.
Medals of honor — People have shied away from war metaphors in sports — and with good reason — but pinning championship medals of honor on the Mavs’ uniforms next season could be a good look. Against those blue jerseys, they’ll look incredibly regal. Might cause some bloody chests though. That’s a risk I’m willing to take.
Personalized Mavericks football jerseys — Only the finest in sideline garb for these title-winners.
If you can think of anything better than these (doubtful), let’s hear ‘em in the comments.