Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian are getting married on Oct. 31 of this year, which means you only have 139 days to figure out which gift you are going to get them off their gift registry. Since we’re all going to be invited because Kimmy is a reality television star and loves the attention, it’s better to shop now so you don’t run the risk of having to get them something stupid like a crystal plunger. As any wife or girlfriend will tell you, the earlier you go, the better the selection.

And let me tell you, the selection is to die for. The happy couple is registered at GEARYS, which is Beverly Hills’ finest luxury goods retailer. There is a lot of stuff on the registry, and it’s all super affordable. For instance:

Abysse Small Onyx Vase — $1,600

Cosmos Extra Large Vase — $7,850

Eye Large Vase — $950

Missouri Jam Jar — $380

Missouri Jelly Jar — $175

Havana Ashtray — $850

18 Balcon Du Guadalquivir Black Cereal Bowls — $155 each

Vertigo Ice Tongs — $250

That is just a small selection of the homegoods these two lovebirds have requested. This is all vital stuff. It’s like interior design legend Thom Filicia probably says, “You can never have enough vases, and also don’t mix up your jam and your jelly.” Classic home decorating advice.

Personally, I’ll probably spring for the Missouri Candy Jar ($380) and fill it with couture lollipops, which are Kim’s favorite candy. The Nude Nahbi Meditating ($325) and Nude Resting ($325) statues are super cute, so I’ll pick those up too. I’m sure Kim will appreciate the irony of receiving nude figurines for her wedding.

You really can’t go wrong with any of the stuff of Humphdashians’ registry. Everything is a perfect choice. Just make sure you stick to the list. Always stick to the list.

Comments (4)

  1. I hope its a big candy jar because Lamar will be coming over a lot.

  2. only $155 per cereal bowl – that’s highway robbery!

  3. Man, this wedding isn’t happening. She’s been having phone sex/sexting with Bret Powell of the Patriots for 5 months now!!! I think Humphries is willing to overlook it because of the Kardashian effect and how much this could help his career and the Nets organization as a whole.

  4. Ah, Bret Lockett I mean. That shows how well known this dude is.

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