When you are an old person who has a lot of money, you do crazy things to stay healthy and young. At least that is what I’ve learned from Stan Infeld in the television program “Franklin & Bash.” Ergo, I assume this is the case for all elderly people who possess vast sums of money.

And it must be true because check out what the Mavericks did during this year’s playoffs. From ESPN:

From late April right through to their final championship-clinching victory over the Heat, a sextet of Mavs — Jason Kidd, Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Terry, Shawn Marion, Tyson Chandler and Brian Cardinal — made the 20-minute trek from American Airlines Center to a wellness facility in Plano, Texas, two times a week. The grizzled NBA vets, all of whom are 33 or older except for the 28-year-old Chandler, would head to an upstairs room that had all the warmth of a no-frills clinic. They would strip to their underwear and socks, don fleece gloves and, one at a time, step inside a six-foot-tall, padded blue-green silo that encased them up to their necks (or, in the case of the seven-footers, Nowitzki and Chandler, up to their chests). A large metal bin next to the silo would begin to whir, and smoky vapor would swirl out of the chamber, as if the players were being cooked in a cauldron.

Actually, they were being frozen. For two and a half minutes — at a cost of $75 per person, billed to Mavs owner Mark Cuban — blasts of nitrogen-chilled air emanated from the walls, quickly dropping the air temperature to as low as -320 degrees Fahrenheit. By the last 30 to 45 seconds, their bodies would be shaking uncontrollably.

Well, that’s certainly one way to beat the Heat. Puns, y’all.

But really, I am not sure how I feel about this new therapy that was brought to the United States from Russia. On one hand, this is like a super power version of icing your ankles, and that always feels great. On the other hand, being naked in -320 degree Fahrenheit temperatures sounds like maybe the worst thing ever. That being said, I think I’d be very OK with trying something that seems like it was created as part of the training montage in “Rocky IV.”

And that is probably how they get you. “Come get frozen for a little bit. It sounds weird, but you’ll love it.” Then you go and that’s exactly what happens, and the next thing you know, you’re bringing your teammates with you to get frozen for three minutes at a time. It’s called word of mouth marketing. Learn about it.

Comments (1)

  1. This therapy could be a good excuse for Costanza.

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