After Ron Artest made his riotous comedy debut this month, you were probably left with one obvious question: “Where does Ron Artest get all of his hilarious jokes?” Seeing as he is a natural comedian in his prime, it’s only natural to wonder just how he got to be so hilariously funny.
The answer, of course, is in the bathroom. From Sports Illustrated’s Sam Amick:
SI.com: So what’s your comedy process? You sit down and write your material, or go off the cuff or what?
Artest: I get most of my jokes in the bathroom. I go to the bathroom and come up with some silly stuff, some good stuff, and then I go get my pen and pad and my recorder, just to see how I’m going to do it. I’m not doing the whole set, but I’m trying to figure out which joke I’m going to say and how I’m going to say it. So I practice it, and then I go out there and do it.
There’s probably nothing that makes more sense than Ron Artest coming up with is comedy routine while he’s in the loo. It kind of explains everything. Let’s just be glad he grabs the recorder after he’s out, otherwise he’d definitely sample his poopsperiences in a rap song, then put it on Twitter because he’s an oversharer. Crisis averted, barely.
But, as it turns out, bathroom-generated jokes are quite fruitful, which is why Uncle John has made so many bathroom readers that always go on sale for $5.99 at Barnes and Noble. This toilet tomfoolery pays so well, in fact, that Artest might even give up his lockout plan of being rumored to play in every league ever.
SI.com: We talked a while back about how you planned to handle the lockout. Now that it’s here, give me the rundown of what you’re doing.
Artest: We’re definitely going to do some more comedy shows. We had four this month, but one of them got canceled. But we picked up like 10 more. I was going to go overseas and keep it going [with basketball] and get a check, but the comedy shows are paying [as much as I would earn playing] overseas, so I can just stay over here and do comedy shows.
SI.com: I don’t know anything about the comedy game, but that surprises me to hear that it pays that well. It’s pretty lucrative?
Artest: Yeah, man. It’s pretty surprising. I was surprised, and I’m just being myself. The guy who booked me is booking some more, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to be doing this for a little second.
All of these players are heading overseas to make some scrilla during the lockout, when they should have just been thinking of jokes in their bathrooms. It’s so much easier to throw on an oversized blazer and some giant white sneakers, then hit the stage for some laffs than it is to go to another country where you have to learn a whole new language, worry about your health and hope that your team actually pays you.
Considering how easy and cushy this comedy thing has been for Ron Artest, it’s hard to believe that more NBA dudes didn’t start their own comedy tours this summer. I mean, the “What is the deal with first class airline food prepared by a personal chef?” jokes basically write themselves.