There are a lot of good reasons a player gets traded. Maybe they are a part of a package that’s put together to lure a big name in a deadline deal. They could be buried behind other players, and management thinks it’s best for both parties if they move the player. In today’s NBA, they could just be a huge star who decides which team they want to play for, forcing their current team to trade them. Tons of reasons, good ones, for players to be traded.
But of all the reasons ever to trade anyone, this one is the best: a mullet. That’s what former NBA journeyman Dwayne Schintzius says got him traded way back in 1990. From the Tampa Bay Online:
Former University of Florida basketball center Dwayne Schintzius, of Brandon High, was the NBA draft’s 24th overall pick in 1990. He liked the San Antonio Spurs and anticipated a long career there. But Spurs general manager Bob Bass didn’t care for Schintzius’ “lobster” hairstyle.
“He told me to cut it,” Schintzius said. “So I got it cut and sent him the shavings in an envelope. I’m not sure he appreciated that. And then, away I went.”
Clearly, this was pre-R.C. Buford, because a savvy basketball man like that would never move one of the NBA’s most legendary haircuts. But back in 1990, no one knew how important it was to have a guy with a hilarious haircut on your bench. Why do you think Drew Gooden’s had such a long career?
Being traded because of a mullet is just the way you want to start your NBA career. Also a very good move to show up your first general manager, especially after everyone knows you’ve fought with your coach all through college. That’s one way to really endear yourself to the league’s decision makers. Stunts like those are the kind of things that get around.
Besides, it’s a mullet we’re talking about. I get that they’re kitschy and hilarious, but they’re also ugly and one of the worst haircuts anyone could ever have. It’s like Wesley Willis says, “The mullet is the reason that people hate you.” I guess he was right.