As Scott mentioned yesterday, new Atlanta Hawks owner Alex Meruelo made his fortune in the pizza business. While this would normally prompt a trade request from Hedo Turkoglu, we’re in a lockout, so players can’t even talk about things like that. Instead, we’re left with a bunch of random ideas for how teams will be able to make money in the coming years.
Luckily for the Hawks, they’ve got a marketing genius manning their controls. Even though Meruelo’s grown since the La Pizza Loca days, he stays true to his roots, offering this menu of Atlanta Hawks gourmet pizzas that will be available in Philips Arena whenever the next season starts.
- The Dough Johnson ($50/slice) — $50 a slice seems like a lot of money for the Joe Johnson, which is a plain pepperoni pizza with a wheat crust. Don’t get me wrong, the Joe Johnson is the best pizza the Hawks offer, and they use the best ingredients which ensures a delicious taste, but it’s still pretty boring and you can definitely get better pizzas for cheaper.
- Josh Powell’s Pizza Surprise ($1.50) — Butterscotch, onions and anchovies on a butter crust, with a side of plum sauce. Literally the worst pizza you can buy.
- Chakapuli Pizzaza ($4) — Onion, lamb, tarragon and mint on tonis puri. Tastes just OK, but you really feel it in the morning. Occasionally clashes with other pizzas, pushing them around in your stomach and making you wonder why you ordered the Chakapuli Pizzaza in the first place.
- Kirk Pie-nrich ($16) — The whitest white pizza that too much money can buy.
- Josh Smith’s Angry Slice ($8) — Jalapeno, spicy sausage on top of a Tabasco-based pizza sauce. Really, really good but kind of needs to chill out a little bit.
- The Jamal Gnawford ($10) — Kona-seasoned Italian beef with gorgonzola and feta cheese. Tasty, for sure, but you can’t ever really decide if it’s good or not. Best in small servings.
- Stanford Special ($3) — Tas loves this pizza, and it’s very cheap and serves a purpose as sustenance, but come on. It’s not that good and you know it.
- The Damien Wilkins ($2) — This pizza sucks.
All of these pizzas go great with Atlanta’s limited edition Soda Pape Sy, which is included with any purchase of a Hawks gourmet pizza slice. When you finish that, enjoy one of the Hawks’ desserts. It’s a great way to get a full meal that never seems to taste as good as it should.
Plus, a source tells us that the Hawks are open to new pizza suggestions. We’ve been told you should leave them in the comments below. Give it a shot. This is your chance for pizza immortality.