This a really good thought exercise for all of us. Which five players in NBA history would you want to fight and why?

My choices:

  • Earl Boykins — I would like to give myself every possible advantage on my quest to tell people that I beat up an NBA player once upon a time.
  • Yao Ming — He is huge, so there is a lot of striking area. Plus, if things get out of hand, you can just step on his feet and you’ll at least be able to get away.
  • Chris Quinn — Looks like this.
  • Jud Buechler — Feel like we would just realize the pointlessness of fighting each other and decide to get our chill on while we swap volleyball tips.
  • Kevin Willis — Super short arms mean his effective striking distance is minimized. However, he’s very sweaty, so he’d be able to get out of my flying squirrel attacks very easily.

Remember, standard MMA rules apply for these hypothetical fights. Let’s hear your answers in the comments.

Comments (17)

  1. What, no Kobe?

    Seriously, I was expecting Laimbeer or Rodman at least :) Charles is out, since they already fought.

  2. From what I hear, Earl Boykins can bench more then twice his weight. So that seems a bit scary… And Kevin willis would be like hitting a brick wall. I guess your a pretty strong guy. I’m about 5″6″ 240. Yup Im fat. So my choices:

    Chris Quinn (Just cause)
    Beno Udrin (right)
    Anthony Randulph (so frail, so skinny, so lazy, easy take down)
    Branden Jennings (I think it would be a battle to the end)
    And Jose Calderon (he doesnt play defense so that will be a cinch)

    I would never fight Labron James or Ron Artest. Those guys are like football players. Brick-wall types

  3. I’m not the tallest guy in the world 6’1/6’2 and about 185 and not out of shape. So yeah…

    Stephon Marbury – Years of half arsed service in the NBA some how makes me think he’d be mostly just talk.
    His NY and Phoenix years. Like I said he has a history. More I think about it I could take him.

    Jimmer Freddette – This dude hasn’t even played in the NBA yet and I want to smack him in his stupid mormon face.

    Reggie Miller – Lets be honest even Cheryl Miller could take Reggie.

    Rajon Rondo – While also falling into the obnoxious guard category…No that’s about it.

    Shannon Brown- He also just annoys me, he acts like he’s more than just a average back up guard. There is nothing that would make me happier than Shannon Brown being traded away to somewhere useless like Sacramento or even the Clippers.

  4. Earl Boykins benches 350! that guy scares me, don’t let the height throw you off lol

  5. Players I’d want to fight
    1. Jason Kidd – his wife beat the hell out of him. Why couldn’t I?
    2. Lamar Odom – I hate he and his wife’s TV show
    3. Matt Barnes – he’s the league’s most visible fake tough guy. I bet he’d fold in a hurry.
    4. Andrea Bargnani – he can’t rebound so I’m also sure he cant fight
    5. Chris Bosh
    6. Steve Novak
    7. Brandan Wright

    Players I’d want to avoid fighting
    1. Nick Collison – Dude is tough and sneaky with his cheap shots
    2. Craig Smith – that guy is scary
    3. Brian Cardinal – Nobody messes with Dad
    4. Demarcus Cousins – crazy, strong, and he knows it.
    5. Monta Ellis – I cant explain this one
    6. Tyler Hansborough
    7. Chris Paul

    7.

  6. Most of these guys you can give dead leg via leg kicks and you own ‘em. Either that or double leg take down and proceed to ground and pound. They’re too large to get to you in time.

    You can then put your d-bag Affliction shirt back on and crack a Mickey’s. SICK, BRO!

  7. Top 5ive: Quinn, Calderon, Bosh, Turkoglu, Thabeet.

    Last 5ive: Dwight, Metta World Peace, Iguodala, Cousins, Garnett.

    Oh and James Johnson cause he can really fight.

  8. 1. Brian Cardinal – He can’t hit back, because that’s domestic violence
    2. Chris Quinn – http://tinyurl.com/3qwd72q
    3. Horace Grant – I hate how he coasted to 4 championships playing with Kobe Shaq and MJ and he has glasses
    4. Kareem Abdul Jabbar – Ditto, and he has luekemia so he would be any easy fight (cheap shot?)
    5. Erick Spoelstra – Not really a player but I hate the Heat and he’s the only one I could have a chance against, along with Mike Bibby. Maybe me and Dirk can tag team?
    6. Hedo Turkoglu – He looks like a goat and he has the personality of one

  9. Taking into consideration I’m a 5’10” 190 lb age-22 Filipino male, players I’d knuckle up w/:
    Jeremy Lin (Asians ftw)
    Sun Yue (I’m a Laker fan, so after we can talk about stuff)
    Yuta Tabuse (see Lin)
    DeMarcus Cousins (I’d psych him out)
    Eddy Curry (I’d outrun him)

  10. No one else noticed stan van gundy fanning the guy in the youtube link that got flying squirreled?

  11. I going to stick with active players:
    1) Kevin Garnett – think it’s all an act. Gotta find out for sure.
    2) Marvin Williams – I’d rather pummel Billy Knight for drafting him and Shelden, but I’ll have to make due since the guideline is players. Walks like a duck, so I’m not afraid.
    3) Chris Quinn – Everyone else seems to think he’d be easy
    4) Eddy Curry – Too bad Sean May already washed out of the league
    5) Juwan Howard – Perfect blend of old and being on a team I don’t like

  12. Jason Kidd, because he doesn’t look tough.
    Paul Pierce, because he’s a p****y and will probably cry for the ref to stop the fight. And I hate him.
    Big Baby, for the exact same reasons.
    The White Mamba, he looks as tough as a mosquito.
    Chris Bosh, the “fake tough guy”

  13. Surprised of how easily I came up with this list lol. In no particular order…

    1) LeBron James – haha do I even need a reason?

    2) Kobe Bryant – I’m a Laker fan, but let’s be honest he can be a real bitch some times.

    3) Chris Paul – No flopping during a fight Chris!! MWUAHAHAHA!!

    4) Sasha Vujacic – How could you just let Ray Allen blow by you like that! God you suck.

    5) Juwan Howard – The tough guy routine… Also should be a pretty easy fight considering that he’d probably break a hip on his way to the ring.

  14. Shaq to Nate Dogg look a like next to him ” Who is a tough white guy?” LOL. cant stop laughing

  15. Amaré – I just want to punch him in the face, don’t know why. Plus a cheap shot to the knee could be very effective vs him.
    Juwan Howard – Yeah, same reasons as others.
    Tony Parker – This guy is so full of himself when on french TV.
    Gilbert Arenas – He’s a dipshit, and I’d bet he can’t fight. Plus easy to hurt.
    Andris Biedrins – I’d beat him into learning how to shoot free throws.

    And yeah, I’d really avoid fighting Nick Collison, sure he’s tough, but more importantly: sweat! So much sweat!

  16. 1. Paul Pierce – He annoys the fuck out of me, always has. Also, he seems like he’s all talk, no business. I hate the Celtics in general and I would really, really love to beat up Garnett too… but he just scares me… and he would beat the shit out of me.
    2. Evan Turner – Judging by the sound of his voice he’s a woman. Women can’t fight.
    3. Michael Beasley – I’m a Heat fan, and really expected great stuff from this guy. He would probably beat the shit out of me, because really, he looks like a psycho. (or he might just push me in the face) But come on… this guy’s a douche.
    4. Tony Parker – Because he left Eva Longoria… duh!
    5. Javale McGee – This guy would kill me, period. But GOD he’s annoying! Acting all tough ‘n stuff. But in reality I think he blows more dicks than dunks. ‘Nough said.

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