It’s the summer. There’s an NBA lockout. We’re bored as hell and we’re not going to take it anymore!

Welcome to The [BLANK] Jones …

On today’s show we put on our thinking caps and design life-changing inventions. What’s missing from cigarettes that would make ‘em more convenient? How can you stop people from stealing your bike? Why can’t our ears do more? And how can your phone protect you from drunken mistakes?

Listen. Digest. Invest.


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Comments (19)

  1. iOS 5 (which comes out in a month), has GPS Fencing as one of its new features. (GPS Fencing is the technical term for the exact thing JE described)

  2. Steve Jobs fucked me!

  3. Give it up Tas, your idea is terrible.
    It would add more than 20 cents for sure, and a lot of people in Europe quit smoking for money reasons. It’s wastefull, as JD pointed out. You can also need a lighter for another reason than cigarettes (it should be in your survival items with a swiss knife).
    it would also not be any financially efficient for companies to provide two kind of cigarettes packs for every blend.Plus lighters often break. What if your lighter breaks before the end of the pack? You need another one :/.
    Turubl idea. The most doable one of those ideas, but not useful, would not make money and only targets max. 5% of pop. (i.e. smokers who often forget their lighter and feel too awkward to ask someone on the street).

  4. And there you go for Android:

    Skeets, not only Steve Jobs is fucking you, even a teenie in some basement in Oregon is fucking you.

    The rest if the ideas suck too. Tas’ is to expensive and i know a bunch of people, who are barely to light the cigarets as it is when they are drunk… I don’t think a flimsy box would help. And since I’m only cycle when I’m drunk J.D.’s idea isn’t good either.

    And Matt’s is almost impossible to do…

  5. Much much much better than DJ Jones. Thank god. Can ya’ll get Trey Kerby on one of these? I need some ‘merican input. I know he has a strong affection for Cats, maybe you can lure him on using that…

  6. Yea, but where did the lighter fluid come from?

  7. Wow. Bassti, I could shit out a better looking app than that …

    Floating magnet soap it is, I guess. WHO WANTS ONE!?

  8. @Paul I see what you did there.

  9. Vulgar fest. Tas, you blaze? Call it “Blaze in a Box” (gimme some profit). As for bike stakeouts, there’s a show called “Bait Car” where cops trail an unlocked vehicle. And Matt’s idea already half invented:

  10. while it may be difficult to do, i think matt’s idea has merit. if it could have some sort of compression built into it, so sudden loud spikes in sound wouldn’t be so bad, it could actually be useful (for example, military/police firing a weapon, but still being able to talk/communicate when no firing was happening).

  11. That was probably one of the best podcasts of the summer, I laughed. I like JD’s invention, I’m with you all the way on that one. I’ve totally thought of throwing someone off my old bike that was stolen, and then kicking them in the ribs. I keep my good bike in my bedroom because that is the only safe place!
    This has probably been invented (actually definitely), but since I was a little kid I never understood why I didn’t see glow in the dark basketball nets and balls. Or even glow in the dark paint to light up the court.

  12. Blank Jones need to be longer.

  13. Still waiting for the Skyscraper Jones.

  14. Will you be covering Eurobasket and/or Torneo de las Americas, since you are (were) the Basketball Jones instead of the NBA Jones?

    If you do not feel qualified could you do an Men’s Basketball Olympic Qualifying Jones episode instead (at least for the sake of longest ________ Jones title)

  15. Matt’s invention is the best- think about parents of toddlers that cry for no reason, people with terrible neighbors, construction workers, soldiers, and so many others. Furthermore, it is not so far from being feasible (using nanomaterials). When will you patent it?

  16. id invest in JD’s bike trap. i had a $350 bike stolen before and i would have loved it if that sorry mother fucker lost an arm or a leg while he was stealing it.

  17. “I don’t want the bike thief to die, that would be too good for them.” – Hilarous.

    Your curiousness into spying on octopuses intrigues me,
    but Matt your idea is just weird and slightly paranoid sounding.

    If you want to create a hearing volume thing internally, speaking as a sound engineer you’d have to change the resonance inside your head and how things vibrate off/in it.
    Basically you’d be fusing something to someone’s skull for a minor convenience.

    Why not, while you’re at it, if you could get people to do that, also attach a microphone and speaker making someone’s head and voice into not only a bullhorn/loudspeaker, but also an amp.

    Then with JD’s device the moment you leave the bar your head starts to beep.

    Oh yeah and also…
    Bionic ear Invented by an Australian – BAM!
    Take that philatelists!

  18. Guys,

    I’ve been in a similar situation to your “Catching the guy who stole your bike.”

    A couple of years ago in Sydney, I was driving home in rush hour and a guy merged into my lane and hit my car. We then signalled for each other to pull over to exchange details but he then sped off never to be seen again… Or at least thats what we both thought.

    2 days later, I was driving to work… (with my housemate who was a National Representative Rower… aka he’s ripped!)… We drove into the public carpark that I park in every day. And low and behold… THERE WAS THE GUY WHO HIT MY CAR AND DROVE OFF!!!

    I parked next to him and said “hey mate, I think It’s probably about time for me to get those details…” My housemate jumped out of the car in his singlet, crossed his arms and flexed his unusually big biceps.

    The guys face went ghostly white. He gave me his details and he paid for the damage on the side of my car.

    This was the single greatest moment of my life. 10 times better then losing my virginity, all 5 of the Lakers titles, graduation and hitting the game winning buzzer in the U12 Local Basketball League Grand Final.

  19. Skeets i work in an infectious diseases lab, and the magnete in the soap
    idea is already in use there. Sorry buddy….

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