Carmelo Anthony and Chris Bosh are shooting baskets in a dimly-lit gym in New York City. The two superstars are approached by detectives Elliot Stabler and Olivia Benson.
Stabler: I’m Detective Stabler, this is my partner, Detective Benson. New York police. You guys play here often?
Carmelo Anthony: (without looking away from the hoop) Yeah, pretty nice little gym. Nice to get away from the press sometimes.
Chris Bosh: (without stopping rebounding) What he said.
Benson: You ever see this man?
CA: (briefly looks at the picture, returns to shooting) Yeah, I seen him.
CB: (glances at the picture, keeps rebounding) Yep. Played with him this past season. Why? Did something happen to him?
Stabler: More like he happened to somebody. Or a lot of somebodies. What do you know about the Cleveland Cavaliers?
Anthony and Bosh finally stop shooting. Their ball bounces aimlessly in to the corner of the gym.
CA: I think we’re gonna need our lawyers.
Stabler: Oh, come on! You knew exactly what he was doing!
CA: I swear. I had no idea he was doing what he was doing. As far as I knew, he just wanted to hoop with his friends.
CB: (cries)
Benson: Suuuuuure. You expect us to believe that you guys — two of his best friends, two guys who pulled the same move in different cities — you expect us to believe he didn’t tell you beforehand?
Ice T: Thass methed up.
CA: I swear! He didn’t tell us. LeBron James has nothing to do with me. All I wanted was to play basketball in New York City. Is that such a crime?
Stabler: Look, you low-life pieces of scum. I have three daughters. If you think I’m going to let them grow up in a world where jerks like you can just leave their favorite teams for Wilson Chandler, Danilo Gallinari and a couple of trade exceptions then you’ve never watched one of the thousands of episodes that we’ve done that are all basically the same.
CB: (cries)
Billy Hunter enters the interrogation room.
Hunter: This interview is over.
Stabler: Well, well, well, look who decided to return to the scene of the crime.
CB: Sorry, officers, but you can’t talk to us without our lawyers present. It’s in the Constitution.
Benson: You’re right, Chris. We can’t. But we can arrest you both, for the highjacking of two franchises.
Benson and Stabler begin to handcuff Anthony and Bosh.
CA: What? No…
Stabler: Yes. Your boy LeBron flipped on you. Told us everything. Copped a plea and everything. Looks like the only highjacking you two are going to be doing is in the showers.
Munch: Exposition.
CB: (cries)
(via EOB)
LOL this is great. Love the crying by Bosh.
this has to be 1 of the funniest section I read on the score. Can’t stop laughing. Chris crying. Lebron snitchin. Melo confused. Even as a heat fan, this was gold