Joe Mande is a comedian and Timberwolves fan from New York City. What follows is a look at Gilbert Arenas’ filthy Twitter avatars, so be warned.
Gilbert Arenas is a professional basketball player. A professional basketball player who sometimes isn’t allowed to play professional basketball because he occasionally brings loaded guns into his professional basketball player locker room and points said loaded guns at his professional basketball player teammates.
In short, Gilbert Arenas is a complete lunatic. And, like most lunatics, he’s on Twitter.
Gilbert Arenas spends a lot of his time on Twitter giving shoes away to his followers and writing horrible things about women. If you look at Gilbert Arenas’ Twitter stream today, you’ll notice it appears that he’s only written one tweet. He hasn’t. He’s written so many tweets. But as of this morning, all but one have disappeared.
My guess is, Gilbert got a call from his agent sometime this weekend, who said, “Hey Gil, would you mind deleting that tweet you wrote about how you kick women out of your bed when you’re done having sex with them? And the other one about how you want those women to drive themselves home after you’re done having sex with them, even if they might be drunk, because you’re too busy sleeping alone in your king size bed? Oh, and also the one about the box of stolen female toiletries you keep in your bathroom? Actually … just delete all the tweets you’ve ever written ever. Is that cool? Thanks, buddy.”
Gilbert Arenas likes to remind his followers that he’s a comedian. If you’re offended by his words, then you are stupid and can’t take a joke. Sure, I understand that sentiment 100 percent. The thing is, I’m pretty sure Gilbert Arenas is not a comedian. I may be wrong, but I don’t think he’s ever actually gotten up on stage and told jokes. If he is a comedian, he’s a comedian the same way I’m a basketball player and I’m a terrible basketball player. (Currently, there is only one professional basketball player/comedian and his name is Ron Artest Metta World Peace.)
One thing I definitely have in common with Gilbert Arenas (besides all the sex stuff!!!) is we both like to switch up our Twitter profile pictures on a frequent basis. My gimmick is to Photoshop my head onto other people’s twitter profile pictures. Gilbert Arenas, on the other hand, prefers to go with jokey images he finds online. You know, the kind of .jpegs you’d see posted on sexually aggressive message boards or something.
Anyway, for the last couple months, I’ve been saving all of Gilbert Arenas’ Twitter profile pictures in a folder on my computer desktop called “F—ed Up Gilbert Arenas Profile Pictures.” I was considering making this its own tumblr, but f—edupgilbertarenasprofilepictures.tumblr.com is a bit clunky, so here they are…
This is today’s profile picture:
This isn’t really a joke, as it is more of a command. A very confusing command. I can’t tell if he wants me to send him a Blackberry message if I’m feeling horny (exclamation point), or if he wants me to send Andre Designz dot com a Blackberry message when I’m feeling horny (exclamation point).
All we can say for certain is that Gilbert is very fond of his Blackberry. We know this because of another profile picture he used earlier this summer:
That’s a screengrab of his Blackberry contact list. It’s kind of sad that the one woman he respects isn’t the best at fellatio :’(
Clearly, Gilbert is a fan of technology and social media.
In case you didn’t understand, Google on your Facebook = cum on your face.
Bus on your face = cum on your face. DUDE LOVES CUMMING ON FACES!
Come on, relax. Gilbert is just playing around. Naked. He’s playing around like a little naked child.
Life is short. Play naked. Cum on your face.
Speaking of children, here’s a little girl learning her place in society…
… and a baby ordering tits off a menu:
Awwww, baby wants the big titty!
Oh, here’s what appears to be finger rape humor:
Maybe I’m reading too much into that. It’s hard to say if that’s really a depiction of finger rape, or just plain old assault with a deadly finger weapon. Whatever it is, hilarious!
This one was obviously in response to both the NBA players strike and the latest US jobs report:
Maybe he can get hired as a stunt man?
I don’t know if you’re picking up on a theme here, but Gilbert Arenas loves sex:
Particularly sex with prostitutes:
Also, dick jokes:
And pussy jokes:
One thing is very clear. Gilbert does NOT like girlfriends.
Oh, I’m sorry, did that offend you?
Maybe he should hint at having a mental illness? Would that make you feel better?
I guess what I’m saying is, you should follow Gilbert Arenas on Twitter. @agentzeroshow
Or don’t because he’s terrible. I don’t give a shit. I just felt weird having all these pictures on my computer. Now I can delete them.
(Cross-posted from JoeMande.com with permission.)
The first sentence, right underneath Arenas’ picture, is the funniest part of the article.
Gil stated, a few weeks ago, that he was planning on deleting most of tweets and was going to be done with Twitter.
Additionally, it seems slightly odd to criticize the guy for having an immature sense of humor. Many of these images can be found in rather innocent places. The little girl and the little boy with “With This I’m Going to Control Your Life” caption is something that our parents’ generation would forward in an e-mail. Half of these are t-shirts you can buy. Immature? Sure. But this article seems to be a bit too critical in my opinion.
Regular Jake LaMotta this guy is.
This is several hundred levels beyond immature — it’s misogynistic sexist bullshit from a man whose respect for women could serve to be about 200 levels higher. Thanks for posting this, guys. More people should be paying attention to — and chastising — Gilbert for the ridiculous sexist bullshit he’s been posting through this lockout. If the league was in session Gilbert would lose a ton of games for this, and rightfully so.
yo, Trey, i have a feeling Gill read youre article http://twitter.com/#!/agentzeroshow …
Looks like some pro-Gilbert folks have taken to the comments. Maybe including Gil himself. HA.
The guy likes to have his fun, but when he gets called out on it he acts like the spoiled bitch he is. To hell with Gil, he’s been terrible for 3 years now.
I sure do hope you guys stay updated on the beef going on right now between @agentzeroshow and @JoeMande on Twitter – hilarious. Some seriously twisted tweets.
Are these all of Gil’s profile pictures, or just the ones that the author thought made a good argument?
What I’m trying to say is, plenty of people have tumblr like sites where many of these images are featured, along with a bunch of other image jokes, pictures of cats, and other internet art. Sure, these are the ones that appeal to a kind’ve unfunny individual, but unless this is every ‘funny’ image Gil posted, I bet there’s a bunch of non-misogynistic stuff on there too.
I bet you have a few idiot facebook friends who have profile picture albums full of the stuff. Sure, maybe they’re not your favorite person, but nobody is forcing you or me to like Gil and follow him.
Context Fairy: I’m pretty sure these are all of his profile pictures from this summer, yes. I’ve been paying attention all summer and I don’t think any are missing.
Joe’s been collecting these for two months.
I DIDN’T KNOW MEN ACTED LIKE BITCHES TOO WHEN THEY ARE ENVIOUS OF ANOTHER.. MY LESSON FOR TODAY IS THE AUTHOR OF THIS BULLSHIT IS A LOSER WHO WOULD REALLY LIKE TO BE THE ONE GETTING KICKED OUT OF GILBERT’S BED. I THINK YOU WANT TO SUCK HIS DICK. WHY ELSE WOULD YOU STALK HIM FOR MONTHS THEN TRY TO PUT HIM ON BLAST. YOU WANNA GIVE HIM SOME ASS. YOU TRYING TO GET HIS ATTENTION. MAYBE YOU ONLY PAAID ATTENTION TO THE SEX PICTURES CAUSE THATS WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT WHEN YOU THINK OF GILBERT ARENAS. GET SOME HELPOR SOME DICK. YOU A FAG AND MAY OR MAY NOT KNOW IT BUT YOU NEED TO GO STALK ANOTHER DICK. SOMEONE ELSES DICK BOO.
Don’t go. I love you. Fuck the NBA, You are the realist person i have ever felt. THE VOICE OF THE MISFITS NEEDS TO GO ON. YOU DONT HAVE TO BE CIVILIZED LIKE THE REGULARS. KEEP BEING YOU. DO YOU G. FUCK THE WORLD.JUST DO YOU. IM NOT A FOLLOWER BUT I LOVE YOUR WAY. THE BIGGEST TEST IS BEING YOU ALL THE WAY TO THE END. EVERYTIME I LISTEN OR READ ABOUT YOU I KNOW YOU ARE SPECIAL. KEEP THAT SPECIALNESS SO THE AUTHOR OF THIS BULLSHIT PAGE CAN PAY HIS BILLS. IF HE AINT GOT NOBODY TO TALK ABOUT HE AINT GOT NO JOB. IN ESSENCE, YOU SAVED HIS CAREER. HE HAD TO GO BACK MONTHS TO PUT AN ARTICLE TOGETHER THAT WAS WORTH READING. OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD HE CHOSE YOU. YOU TO STALK, YOU TO WRITE ABOUT, AND YOU TO TRY TO GET ATTENTION FOR HISSELF. YOU MADE HIS LIFE WORTH LIVING AGAIN(HIS ACE IN THE HOLE). DON’T STOP DOING YOU.. DO SOME MORE SHIT. KEEP YOUR DICK IN HIS MOUTH SO HE CAN EAT. KEEP HIM EMPLOYED. TWEET ON MY LOVE. DUECES. DO YOU. DON’T STOP.
I thought all this weird sexual aggression was best summed up by a picture and a slogan. Didn’t we learn anything from Uncle G?
@quic
Well, I cant believe it, but I read your trolling and I’m gonna answer.
1. No one wants to read caps lock.
2 Following a guy on Twitter is not stalking him.
3. Gil needs loads of cash to keep up with his crazy lifestyle. The NBA doesn’t like big mouths, so he better shut up, for his own good. I always hated the guy because he always acted like an asshole on and off the court, not because he’s honnest. Hell, Joakim Noah is honnest, Deniis Rodman is honnest, AI is honnest, and I love these guys. The thing is: Gil has no other qualities (human or bbal-wise) than honnesty. I dare you to find 1.
And, well, that honnesty is apparently limited to what his agent is ok with him saying.
So, stop covering the asshole.
@quic
oh, and yeah, hate isn’t based on sexual tension in most heterosexual males. If you’re excited by the people you hate, you may want to see a psychiatrist. I mean, you seem to find “sex with Gil” such an important part of your argument… be honnest, you wanted to think about those situations. I usually don’t say that, because, well, how would I know, but you, sir, maybe a closet homosexual.