Once upon a time, Latrell Sprewell gave us the finest joke in professional athletics labor history when he told reporters that he needed a bigger contract from the Minnesota Timberwolves because “[He's] got a family to feed.” Since then, it’s been the go-to zing when talking about anything related to contracts, lockouts and labor agreements. It has become such a common refrain that the players’ union has even advised players “not to make blatant appeals for sympathy.”

Corey Maggette wasn’t listening. From Sports Illustrated:

“Now guys have to make a decision about playing elsewhere, maintaining a living and all that,” said Maggette, who was among the many who had been encouraged by the tenor of last week’s talks. “As of right now, everyone is unemployed. You have to re-evaluate [your situation]. At the end of the day, you’re unemployed right now and you have to do a job in order to feed your families or whatever.

Ha. “Or whatever.” Corey Maggette needs to put food on his family or some other thing like that. Maybe he needs to give them some drinks or buy them some new bookbags or rent “Thor” from Redbox, but who can really know? He’s unemployed right now, so he needs a new job so he can do family stuff. You understand, I’m sure. The man’s only made about $68 million in his career.

Speaking of new jobs, Corey’s updating his résumé, which I am guessing is a re-editing of his favorite YouTube sizzle reel.

“I’m not saying guys don’t have money or that they’re not saving their money the right way, but ultimately — if you get fired or you have to find yourself another job — you’ve got to put out another résumé and pull another gig.”

Yep. Sure. Gotta get those résumés out there, make some connections. Maybe Corey Maggette should join LinkedIn and add all the basketball executives he knows. Reach out to people he knows to see if they have any job leads or know anyone who’s hiring. Until he finds a job, trying to find a job should be his job. In today’s job market, anything that can differentiate him from the hundreds of out of work NBA players is going to be a plus. So maybe he should wear sleeveless shirts to his interviews so that the people in charge of personnel know that he is serious about taking care of his body. That’s just a suggestion, but he should definitely send a thank you card the next day, to prove that he really wants that job.

These are just some common job-hunting tips that should give Corey Maggette a leg up while he goes through these tough times. It should also help that he is in the top less than half of half of one percent on people on Earth in his particular field. That should definitely help.