You have probably spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering what the New Jersey Nets are going to be called when they move to Brooklyn. Because you are the world’s biggest Nets fan, this is the kind of thing that keeps you awake. It’s not that big of a deal though, so you should probably just go to sleep. Besides, if they’re already called the Nets and they’re moving to Brooklyn, it kind of makes sense that they’d just be called the Brooklyn Nets. New York Nets sounds too similar to New Jersey Nets and the Knicks probably have some sort of proprietary rights over being “New York’s team,” or whatever.

Now you can rest easy, because a Nets official has confirmed the team’s half-new name. It’s what you’d guess. From the New York Daily News:

Rap mogul Jay-Z will headline a series of concerts to open Brooklyn’s new Nets arena next fall – and will make it official Monday: The team will be named for his hometown.

The superstar, who owns a small piece of the soon-to-be renamed Brooklyn Nets, will perform at eight concerts to celebrate the grand opening of the arena – where all-access passes are going for up to $15,400 a season.

There ya go, the Brooklyn Nets, just like what makes total sense since they are the Nets and they will be playing in Brooklyn. Good to know.

Now, all they have to do is figure out how to market New Jersey’s historically bad NBA team to the basketball crazy New Yorkers, many of whom have always been and always will be Knicks fans. Don’t worry though. They’ve got some ideas. From the New York Post:

Their game plan is set to target Wall Streeters and residents of upscale neighborhoods like TriBeCa and SoHo.

The turf war will be fought with billboards, 150 taxi tops, 60 telephone kiosks and a whopping 250,000 coffee cups to be distributed to local stores.

“We’ll be blanketing Wall Street with the coffee cups,” said Yormark.

Classic name change strat. First you change the name, then you give out the coffee cups to hot shot bankers. Look up the definition of marketing in the dictionary, and that’s what you’ll find if you have a terribly inaccurate dictionary.

The next step, of course, is for Jay-Z to somehow figure out a way to put the Brooklyn Nets in a song. Somehow, I don’t think that will be a problem.

Comments (11)

  1. they had a chance to rebrand the franchise, so they could start fresh. but guess what….they f-cked up again.

  2. FYI: These aren’t their new jerseys (haha pun). This picture is from 2004.

  3. Trey Kirby, your sarcastic dead-panning posts are very funny to me. I intend to move reading them up my list of daily internet priorities above finding a new apartment, reading Bill Simmons’ obscure 80s references then clicking on his links to educate myself about them, but still below watching Tas Melas dancing in a Turkoglu jersey. Congratulations on impressing me, go buy yourself a new jumpshot as a reward. I’m gonna go shoot hoops at Christie Pits now. Hopefully there’s some teenagers skipping school to play with me, or at least some drug dealers who wanna borrow my ball for a shot or two.

  4. This is everything I want in a comment.

  5. More posts Trey
    You’re already becoming a typical lazy Canadian

  6. wow, gotta love good sarcasm … know where i can find any?

  7. Yeah, I really thought they were going to change their team name to something a little less…associated with repeated and embarrassing failure-y kind of thing.

    Ahh well. I still think they are going to be an interesting team to watch pretty soon as they seem poised to make a nice little acquisition in the free agent market soon. Good stuff!

  8. Seeing as they used to be the “New York Nets”, I don’t really get why they don’t go back to that name. Also : Brooklyn may not be the most idenifiable name for stock-brokers.
    , at least less identifiable than New York.

    I really wonder about the Jerseys now… Picking “Brooklyn” for the name shows a willingness to innovate and not go classic or back…

  9. Sounds like a Brooklyn Hipsters crowd based on the comments.

  10. Nets of Brookly Will be the best team now!

  11. I agree with you Steve :D

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