Ananth Pandian watched the Kris Humphries-Kim Kardashian wedding so you didn’t have to…

Spread out over the course of two nights for a total of four hours, the wedding of Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashain, otherwise known as “Kim’s Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event”, was seen by 10.5 million viewers making the special E!’s most watched event ever. If you are kicking yourself for not tuning in, you can watch the majority of the special here.

But if you want to stay sane, just know that the majority of the special is spent with the actual planning of the wedding. Kim and her mom, Kris Jenner, are planning the wedding without really asking Kris Humphries for his insight. Humphries gets mad about this and overly-manufactured dramatic moments ensue. But in the end they get married in a somewhat classy ceremony.

If that’s not enough for you, here’s the highlights:

  • Humphries has two little dogs which Kim doesn’t seem to like, even though she loves taking pictures with them. Total doggie drama!
  • Kim doesn’t like how Kris brushes his teeth — way too much toothpaste splatter on the mirror.
  • Humphries wanted to go hipster and have a Five Guys food truck serving burgers at the wedding. A great idea that was shot down by Kris Jenner.
  • Humphries wanted Mason (Kim’s sister Kourtney’s son) walk one of his dogs down the aisle and the dog would be wearing the wedding rings around its neck. This was also sadly shot down by Kris Jenner.
  • This.
  • A behind the scenes look at Khloe and Lamar Odom’s pistachio commerical.
  • Lamar Odom really does love junk food. He has multiple containers filled with assorted cookies and a closet basically filled with junk food.
  • Odom farts and curses for no reason in a number of scenes.
  • Humphries farts in a scene but blames it on the chair he was sitting in.
  • In act of defiance to Kim, Humphries grows a mustache.
  • Jordan Farmer toasts the couple with some zings about Humphries and the Nets:

    Being a Laker you are used to seeing celebrities and stars at the games all the time. But with the Nets, its really not that often…But seeing Kim at games, sitting courtside, it was kinda a big deal. So I get a text message from Karla (Kim’s friend), “Who’s number 43?” They didn’t know his name, they didn’t know nothing about him!

    So we ended up going out as a group. Had a nice dinner, all hung out. Kris and I went home and he was telling me he liked her and that everything was going good. I get a text message from Karla, “This is Kim’s number. Give it to Kris.” I was like, “Dude, you didn’t even get her number?” That was the start of it.

    I kinda noticed little changes, you know he went from wearing PF Flyers to start wearing fancier shoes…

  • Scottie Pippen was happy to be there.
  • Carmelo Anthony was also there!

And here are some choice quotes:

  • “You think I look like a monkey?” — Humphries while looking at monkey-themed china.
  • “I don’t want it to be too girly. I like a casino theme, you know?” — Humphries’s wedding idea
  • “I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast” — Humphries being Shooter McGavin in an argument with Khole Kardashian.
  • “I think he is a Porky Pig” — Odom describing Rob Kardashian who put on weight.
  • “I don’t eat sweets” — Humphries lying at a wedding cake tasting
  • “Dude, I did a double workout today. Barry’s Bootcamp in the morning…” — Humphries being a jock
  • Kris Humphries: “Shoot me straight, what is the entertainment?”
    Kris Jenner: “Well right now its Robin Thicke.”
    KH: “Which is a great choice.”
    KJ: “Lets explore Christina…:
    KH: ” No way! I just don’t like Christina Aguilrera…her whole look
  • “I dropped the Cosby kids off at the Super Bowl” — Odom talking about pooping
  • “I have the best feet in the NBA” — Humphries getting a pedicure.

With the special being so popular, you can expect a spin-off in the future. Hopefully when that happens Humphries will learn to not look into the camera so much.

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