Every ball fan
Down in Fan-ville
Liked Christmas a lot …

But The Commish,
Who lived in New York,
Absolutely did not!

The Commish hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why — could be religious reasons.
It could also be that his head wasn’t screwed on tight.
It could be, perhaps, that he just likes a fight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that he hated NBA basketball.

Whatever the reason,
His head or his plans,
He took quite the delight in disappointing the Fans.
Staring down from his mansion with a smug, old man smirk
At the Fans he would ultimately make go berserk
For he knew every Fan down in Fan-ville, you see
Was still anticipating Christmas ball on TV.

“And they’re setting their TiVos!” he snarled with a sneer.
“Soon it’ll be Christmas, and a triple-header is near!
Then he growled, and devilishly rubbed his hands,
“I must find a way to ruin Christmas for Fans!”
For, on Christmas, he knew …

… All the Fan girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early. They’d rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the games! Oh, the games! C’s! Knicks! Next!
That’s one thing he hated! GAMES! It left him quite vexed!

Then the Fans, young and old, would watch game two.
And they’d cheer! And they’d boo!
The Finals rematch was due!
Dirk would drop 40; LeBron a fourth quarter poo
Which was something The Commish hated to see ‘Bron do!

They’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Fan down in Fan-ville, the tall and the small,
Would sit close together, with great satisfaction.
And finish the Christmas Day three-game action!

It’s Rose! And it’s Kobe!
Yes, the Fans can agree,
That the Lakers and Bulls are must-watch TV!
And the more Commish thought of the joy players bring
The more Commish thought, “I must stop this whole thing!

“Why for thirteen years I’ve put up with it now!
I MUST stop Christmas Day ball!
… But HOW?”

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!

“I know just what to do!” He laughed with a shout.
“Screw the Fans, fuck the players … I’LL LOCK ‘EM ALL OUT!”