Thanks to a need to be first, a personal assistant who can’t answer simple questions and a negotiating session that lasted forever, various members of the basketball media were stuck at yesterday’s mediation session for more than 16 hours. That is a long time to be without access to food, because leaving the scene means you might miss out on an update that nothing really happened. It’s almost a whole day.

But don’t worry, the media is eating fine, thanks to some jokey jokes from the league. From the Boston Herald:

So far, the menu has included cookies from the league, ice cream bars and, minutes ago, a bit of Chinese food from the union. Also, cap expert Larry Coon had a couple of pizzas sent over.

You see, the NBA and the players do care about the people whose livelihoods depend upon them. Why else would they send cookies and Chinese food? (It is unclear who sent the ice cream bars. Pulitzer Prize goes to whoever gets to the bottom of this mystery.) All this time we thought they were heartless jerks who only want their money, when it turns out they’re more than willing to shovel empty calories at a bunch of people who are getting so hungie that they can barely stand it.

This is what the lockout has come to. There is such a lack of actual news that a legitimate news organization is running food status updates on their website. And really, finding out that reporters got some deserts and some late night college snacks is much more interesting than reading a thousand updates on how long the meetings are taking and then reading about how nothing really happened in the meeting.

Come to think of it, it might have been the biggest financial news of the night that the two sides dug deep in to their pockets to hook these dudes up with some grub. Wonder if they split the cost 50-50.