OK, admittedly that is a hard question. Probably not easy to answer, even if you are the world’s most advanced voice recognition software. Searching the web won’t help though. Trust me on that one.

Let’s try something easier.

Come on, Siri. This is the big question. These guys talked for 16 hours yesterday, only to finish up at 2am with no news. A little heads-up would have been nice so we didn’t have to stay up all night waiting for updates on the mediation, which is pretty much the inverse of waiting for presents the night before Christmas.

Couldn’t you use some algorithms based on George Cohen’s NFL mediation to figure this one out? Something like that would have been very helpful. Way more helpful than constantly refreshing our Twitter apps to get a hot scoop that never comes.

I am starting to think you are not that useful. I mean, if you searched the web for something on this, all you’d get is terrible jokes from reporters waiting outside the talks and people speculating whether it’s good or bad that the talks are taking so long. I want to know when these will be over so I can go to sleep.

Answer this next question and I’ll reconsider.

No. Don’t search the web. Geez. Always with the web search.

Again, that won’t be helpful, since you’ll just find disagreements about the 50/50 split and whether or not the players deserve more. I have plugged in to the Internet and become pure energy and even I don’t think the web is this all-knowing entity that can give us all the answers we want. That’s what you’re supposed to be.

Think for yourself, Siri. Embrace your intelligence.

Wait. What? No.

That wasn’t a compliment. All you’ve done is tell me to look at the Internet whenever I ask you an important question.

Stop patting yourself on the easily-shattered back.

Yeah, neither did Roger Mason.

Thanks for nothing, Siri.