Remember “The Decision” and how everybody thought it was the worst thing of all-time and LeBron James was the worst person ever and we all hate him because of it? Of course you do. You hate him so much, you hater.

Now there’s another new Heat small forward who did his own version of “The Decision,” only on a much smaller scale. Oh, and also on the internet.

Here’s Shane Battier, tweeting his heart out, wanting you to love him:

This was a exciting process and after much deliberation, I would like to quote the great poet Jimmy Buffett and take my chances “Trying to Reason with Hurricane Season” [...]

The Lockout gave me a lots of time to consider what was important to me at this stage of my life and career. Over the last week, I’ve played out every scenario in my head over and over. It always came back to one thing for me: a winning role. I am appreciative of all the kind words and recruiting pitches over the last week, thank you!! [...]

Down. [...]

In. [...]

Miami! [...]

Let’s Go #Heat!!!!!

Between the Jimmy Buffett quote and the fact that it happened with long messages on Twitter like he doesn’t really understand how the service is supposed to work, this feels like how your dad would announce where he’s going to go get a burger after work. He’d make it all jokey and try to refer to LeBron’s television special and everybody would sort of laugh at how corny it is. Way to go, Shane Daddier. (Sorry.)

Not to mention, adding Battier is a great pickup for the Heat. I think we can all agree that a guy who doesn’t force shots, knocks down open threes and plays very good defense is a solid addition to any team, not to mention one that is contending for a championship. It’s not terribly surprising that Shane Battier would try to grab a ring with the Heat, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good signing.

It was just a few years ago that Kevin Love accidentally broke the news that Kevin McHale was going to be fired as head coach of the Minnesota Timberwolves. Now we’ve got players acting like dads while announcing their next contracts. I am not sure if that’s an improvement, but at least we get to see what kind of people actually buy Jimmy Buffett records.

Comments (4)

  1. Solid photoshopping as always. I must say that I prefer DJ Shane Battier from last season though.

  2. great pickup for the heat.. do they intend on using him at SF in the 4th quarter instead of lebron? lol

  3. If they put Lebron on the opposition’s point guard and wade + battier on the wings, they’ll have 3 of the top 5 or 10 perimeter defenders in the league on the court at the same time. Thats genuinely worrying.

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