What is even going on any more?
Sources say Brandon Roy to announce medical retirement due to degenerative knees, possibly as soon as today
Now this is from Chris Broussard, the guy who maintained LeBron James was going to Chicago, even on the day of “The Decision,” then changed his story at the last minute because he got a tip, so just wait until it actually happens to believe it’s happening. Let’s take this with all the grains of salt until Brandon Roy is announcing in his weirdly high-pitched voice that he is really retiring.
But seriously, between this and Chris Paul being traded and then not traded, it’s been a weird 24 hours in the league. It’s right up there with that time Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson went “Punch Drunk Love” on a few fans’ faces. That was probably still weirder but I think we can all agree that those two guys going nuts is not the most far-fetched thing in NBA history. These two things are just mind-blowing to have happened in such quick succession.
That being said, it’s easy to understand why Brandon Roy would retire. At this point, his knees are made of balsa wood, hardened toothpaste, old rubberbands and those wires you use to hang greenery during the Christmas season. His knees are jealous of Greg Oden’s knees.
Plus, this wouldn’t be the first time the Trail Blazers have convinced a cap killer to retire when he still was able to play in the NBA, word to Darius Miles. If he’s a medical retirement, he still gets all the money from that giant contract he signed in 2010, so it’s not the worst thing in the world for him.
Of course, just like Darius Miles, Roy could retire and then decide that at 27 he’s not ready to be done playing professional basketball for the rest of his life. If he comes back and some other team signs him — and he plays for 10 games — the Trail Blazers are on the hook for his salary, which would be the only thing more hilarious than paying a max salary to 2011 Brandon Roy in the first place.
But yeah — Brandon Roy might be retiring. Everything is going nuts. Any minute now, I assume we’ll be finding out that Dwight Howard has been traded to the moon for a bunch of space rocks or something else that’s totally bananahands.