Yesterday, David Stern blocked Chris Paul’s trade from the New Orleans Hornets to the Los Angeles Lakers due to “basketball reasons.” But that’s not the first time something like this has happened. Let’s look back at five famous blocked trades to see what we can learn from each of these deals that didn’t happen.
1698: Jamestown Settlement Bartering Post
Cornelius Kupchak, Darrius Morensen and Dilbert Demps agree to trade a bunch of different stuff down at the old trading post. Kupchak gets Demps’ finest steed, Morensen gets a single giant pumpkin and Demps receives a couple of goats and a few bales of hay.
However, as the three gentlemen are shaking hands, town curmudgeon Nicolas Sternicus steps in to say that it’s not fair for Kupchak to get another steed when they already have one of the best steeds in all of Jamestown. When townspeople ask why Sternicus wouldn’t let these guys swap their stock, he just said “farm reasons.”
1994: Plano Middle School Trading Card Club
Trey Kerby convinces Tom Michaelson to trade his Upper Deck Grant Hill rookie card for Kerby’s giant Dino Radja card. Club sponsor Mr. Buck steps in to tell the poorly-informed Michaelson that no one is going to remember Dino Radja in a few years but Grant Hill will probably be one of the best players in the NBA.
Kerby threatens to quit the club since he spent hours working on this deal telling school reporter Aaron Wojnarowski, “[Expletive] this whole thing. Mr. Buck’s drunk on power, and he doesn’t give a [expletive] about the cards, and he doesn’t give a [expletive] about the hundreds of hours the students put in to make that deal.”
2004: Minneapolis Area Yankee Swap Party
Jen Robinson gets an Andy Williams Christmas LP in the first round of her friendly gift exchange. Christie Adams steals the record when it is her turn because “Andy Williams reminds [her] of [her] grandmother.” Then, out of nowhere, Rick Stanley swoops in to take the vinyl in the penultimate round of the exchange, even though everyone pretty much agreed to let Christie have it because of the whole grandma thing.
When Adams goes to re-steal the record with her final turn, fringe friend Kevin Stern tells Adams that’s against the rules since that gift has already been stolen twice and that’s not good for the competitive balance of the gift exchange. Stern is not invited back the following year.
2007: 4th and Schlong Fantasy Football League
Stuck in last place despite having Tom Brady as his quarterback, DaveyHams decides to help out his main bro, Chuck, by sliding him Brady on the down low. Hammy offers Chucky Brady and Todd Heap for Mason Crosby, Chucky’s first round pick next year and Darren Sproles.
The entire league says, “Oh sure, why don’t we just change all of our team names to the Detroit Lions?” DaveyHams responds, “What? Crosby leads the league in points? Come on, bro.”
2009: Hansen/Rudyk Household
While figuring out where they want to live once they’re married, Adam Hansen and Brady Rudyk agree to split household chores. Hansen offers to do the laundry if Rudyk will cut the lawn. Rudyk readily agrees, telling friends, “I love mowing the lawn! It’s such good exercise.”
Unfortunately for Hansen, the couple buy a townhouse that includes association fees that cover lawn maintenance, meaning he’s stuck doing laundry while there’s no grass to be mowed. Hansen emails a complaint to Rudyk, signing off “Please advise, Adam H.”