Yesterday, David Stern blocked Chris Paul’s trade from the New Orleans Hornets to the Los Angeles Lakers due to “basketball reasons.” But that’s not the first time something like this has happened. Let’s look back at five famous blocked trades to see what we can learn from each of these deals that didn’t happen.

1698: Jamestown Settlement Bartering Post
Cornelius Kupchak, Darrius Morensen and Dilbert Demps agree to trade a bunch of different stuff down at the old trading post. Kupchak gets Demps’ finest steed, Morensen gets a single giant pumpkin and Demps receives a couple of goats and a few bales of hay.

However, as the three gentlemen are shaking hands, town curmudgeon Nicolas Sternicus steps in to say that it’s not fair for Kupchak to get another steed when they already have one of the best steeds in all of Jamestown. When townspeople ask why Sternicus wouldn’t let these guys swap their stock, he just said “farm reasons.”

1994: Plano Middle School Trading Card Club
Trey Kerby convinces Tom Michaelson to trade his Upper Deck Grant Hill rookie card for Kerby’s giant Dino Radja card. Club sponsor Mr. Buck steps in to tell the poorly-informed Michaelson that no one is going to remember Dino Radja in a few years but Grant Hill will probably be one of the best players in the NBA.

Kerby threatens to quit the club since he spent hours working on this deal telling school reporter Aaron Wojnarowski, “[Expletive] this whole thing. Mr. Buck’s drunk on power, and he doesn’t give a [expletive] about the cards, and he doesn’t give a [expletive] about the hundreds of hours the students put in to make that deal.”

2004: Minneapolis Area Yankee Swap Party
Jen Robinson gets an Andy Williams Christmas LP in the first round of her friendly gift exchange. Christie Adams steals the record when it is her turn because “Andy Williams reminds [her] of [her] grandmother.” Then, out of nowhere, Rick Stanley swoops in to take the vinyl in the penultimate round of the exchange, even though everyone pretty much agreed to let Christie have it because of the whole grandma thing.

When Adams goes to re-steal the record with her final turn, fringe friend Kevin Stern tells Adams that’s against the rules since that gift has already been stolen twice and that’s not good for the competitive balance of the gift exchange. Stern is not invited back the following year.

2007: 4th and Schlong Fantasy Football League
Stuck in last place despite having Tom Brady as his quarterback, DaveyHams decides to help out his main bro, Chuck, by sliding him Brady on the down low. Hammy offers Chucky Brady and Todd Heap for Mason Crosby, Chucky’s first round pick next year and Darren Sproles.

The entire league says, “Oh sure, why don’t we just change all of our team names to the Detroit Lions?” DaveyHams responds, “What? Crosby leads the league in points? Come on, bro.”

2009: Hansen/Rudyk Household
While figuring out where they want to live once they’re married, Adam Hansen and Brady Rudyk agree to split household chores. Hansen offers to do the laundry if Rudyk will cut the lawn. Rudyk readily agrees, telling friends, “I love mowing the lawn! It’s such good exercise.”

Unfortunately for Hansen, the couple buy a townhouse that includes association fees that cover lawn maintenance, meaning he’s stuck doing laundry while there’s no grass to be mowed. Hansen emails a complaint to Rudyk, signing off “Please advise, Adam H.”

Comments (13)

  1. I remember when I traded my Blastoise card for a Machamp and a Venusaur. Lots of people thought it was crazy but there was no commissioner so it was cool.

  2. Back in 92 as a 1st grader, being a Blazer fan I got taken advantage of by a 5th grader in the neighborhood and traded a Shaquille O’neal rookie card for a Rod Strickland card, I still look back on that and shake may head.

  3. Don’t forget the Boy Meets World episode where Morgan (Cory’s younger sister) trades her away diamond necklace.

  4. President Ash Stern does not care about Pokemon people

  5. The free trade for Gasol was worst… David Stern is a joke.

  6. @ Captain

    You traded a Blastoise? You lost that trade bro. Machamp was a dime-a-dozen and Venosaur was a bitch. Just like you.

  7. @JD ouch, telling it like it is. but I absolutely agree, Venusaur is a real bitch. I had Blastoise and Charizard, and they’re still in one of my shoe boxes somewhere. gonna pass them down to my grandkids.

  8. In grade school traded my lvl 33 Ditto for this guy’s lvl 33 Venusaur. Think it was shortly after the “Ditto” episode aired. He was super excited, really sold him on it. Didn’t really use the Venusaur because literally the only thing I used was my Charizard, but the guy had to restart his game because the Ditto was useless.

  9. I too will pass down my Charizard down to my grandkids. I bought it for 30 dollars back in sixth grade. Do you know how fucking hard it is for a sixth grader to come up with that kind of money?? lol

  10. In general, I dominated on the playground. In fourth grade, I traded up from a borrowed mechanical pencil to a deck of around 150-200 NBA cards + 100 Pokemon cards (didn’t like Pokemon, but it was good trade bait).

    The one person I let take advantage of me was my little bro. Trying to get him to get into trading, I’d often give him some good deals. Once went too far giving up something good for a JR Rider card. Blazer homerism at its worst.

  11. Well fuck, a whole bunch of pokemorons….

  12. Before the internet, when the idea of a 10 year old acquiring any kind of porn was, like, not even idea, I chewed a lot of bubble gum. Which is I had the two Roy Campanella cards I traded to Dirk Henke for a ripped Playboy centerfold. My mother found it that night when she was tucking me in, because I’d hid it under my pillow. She yelled a bunch and told me what happens to kids who look at pictures like that. I woke up the next day and my father told me Campy had been hurt bad in a car accident. I thought of the centerfold, the trade, my mom’s lecture, and felt like the whole thing was my fault.

  13. @jht
    That is one of the best stories ever.

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