Despite the fact he’s one of the five best players on Earth, has a girlfriend who was a high school crush of some of ours — not saying who, but it could be any of us really — thanks to “Bring It On,” is signed to a lucrative shoe deal with the best basketball player of all-time, had an NBA championship and Finals MVP before he turned 25, and is so good-looking that some our wives — could be anyone, since were speaking in generalities here — can’t help but notice when he’s on the screen, Dwyane Wade is really just a big 6-year-old who is supremely athletic, charismatic and doesn’t want to eat his veggies.

From Sports Illustrated:

“He doesn’t really like vegetables,” [personal chef Richard] Ingraham said. “When I put the salad down, I know that’s something he really doesn’t want to do, but he knows it can help him. It’s not like I’m putting down asparagus. We’re taking baby steps. But it works.”

Wade agrees – it is working. And someone who once famously said he’d rather eat just about anything other than salad is starting to change his tune.

“It’s working for me,” Wade said. “It’s not bad. It’s better than I thought. Just trying to give my body an edge. I’m just trying to do whatever I can within my limitations of doing it. Most of my salad consists of fruit. It’s helping me out. I’m just trying to figure out ways that I can make sure I at least give my body a chance to be as healthy as it can be.”

Poor Dwyane-y Dwyane having to eat yucky veg veg from his personal chef when all he wants is a candy bar. Sometimes it is hard being paid millions of dollars to take care of your body.

I am joking, of course. No one wants to eat vegetables, but you kind of have to if you want to feel like a human who has a body that actually works how it should. And like Wade said, it’s working for him.

Wade came into the season with a body fat of less than 4 percent, but says he has enough strength and bulk to get through the grind of a condensed 66-game regular season, and credits the culinary changes for that belief.

See kids, this is why you eat your veggies. Sure, as a child you might not lose five pounds when you’re playing a simple game of basketball, but getting your veg on will definitely help you maintain the kind of body that can get you on the cover of GQ with your shirt off. Proper nutrition is super important, whether you’re Dwyane Wade, professional basketball player, or Wayne Dwade, guy who likes basketball maybe a little too much.

Plus, now that Dwyane Wade is Mr. Vegetables, he might be able to parlay this in to some serious endorsement dollars. The celery lobby is rich and always looking for ways to be hip. What better way to get in good with the youth audience than hooking up with the cool guy on the Miami Heat? Seems like a match made in carrot heaven.